


Dorm of Deceit

by Literate_Ghoul



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literate_Ghoul/pseuds/Literate_Ghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he was 10 years old Ben Solo accidentally murdered his father Han Solo, and his mother went crazy. Taken into asylum living facilities to care for his unstable mental health as a result of the trauma, he spent a lot of time alone. Now, at 19 years old the government is giving him a chance. Under witness protection he's changed his name to Kylo Ren and is attending Lucas University under the counseling to leave his past behind him... But it isn't willing to let him go just yet!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Day of a New Life

Han Solo's eyes were wide with shock. The bang of the hunting rifle as it went off made the silence that came after it almost deafening. His gaze was upon his tiny 10 year old son who had no idea what he had just done and his lips moved as if he were trying to speak, yet no words came out. The horrifying quiet after the explosive pop was broken by gurgling as the blood filled Han's lungs from the bullet wound that had torn threw his chest. Across the room, at the table the startled curly haired young boy started to cry. His wails went from shock to horror as a grew red flower of blood bloomed on Han Solo's chest and as if in slow motion his father staggered to the ground, hitting the wall behind him before sliding into a sitting position. 

  Ben Solo discarded the gun and rushed forward, not understand what had happened. "Are you okay? Daddy? What's wrong!?" He screamed, running to his father's side and shaking him. Han was choking and blood was bubbling up from his mouth and a queer wheezing, whistling noise accompanied every gargled inhalation as he slowed downed on his wound. 

  From the rooms entry Leia Organa-Solo's shriek of horror drew Ben's attention from Han and he looked back to his mother rushing forward. She was screaming but Ben was in shock, he saw her lips moving but he heard no sound coming from them as she slipped in blood and tumbled into them. Ben was knocked into his fathers' lap by Leia. He felt the hot, sticky blood on his hands, soaking into his cloths. But that was not the worst part. The worst part was, as he tried to right himself, tried to flee from the horrific scene he felt beneath him his father die. Han drew in one final, shuddering gurgling breath as Leia tried to press upon the wound, to stop the bleeding which had been fatally internal. "Daddy....daddy," Ben Solo shook had turned himself around and was shaking lightly, tiny fists gripping the stained white shirt as he desperately tried to wake his father. He still didn't understand what had happened.

  Suddenly Leia grabbed him by his arm in a vice like grip so tight he winced, "ow... mommy your hu - " He never finished the sentence as he was tossed aside. With a grunt Ben Solo hit the leg of the gun covered table behind him.

  "Ben what did you do?!" Leia screamed with madness in her eyes. It was plain to see what had happened. Han had loaded his guns to go hunting for dinner but he had forgotten to lock the door to keep Ben outside. He had not paid attention when the little boy had wandered in and been enraptured by the guns he found so fascinating from movies and video games on the table. Or when those tiny hands had excitedly picked them up and unknowingly fired one off, unaware of the consequences of his actions. His mother lunged down to grab him by the shirt and shook him so hard his head struck the leg of the table.

  "FUCK!" Kylo Ren cursed as the nightmare jolted him awake, covered in sweat. Twitching violently as he roused Kylo slammed his forehead off the ledged head board of the hotel bed as he sat up. Groaning and cursing a second time he glanced around, holding onto his head in pain as he spotted the alarm clock on the bed side table: 9:18 AM the big red letters read. He stared dumbly at it for several long moments, "that doesn't... SON OF A -- " He almost fell out of bed scrambling. His alarm should have gone off 18 minutes ago. The moving van he had ordered was due to arrive at 9:45AM and take him to Lucas University. 

  Kylo Ren had never been so relieved to have the awful memory turned nightmare wake him up before. He had expected it would, it always resurfaced whenever he was stressed out and starting a new life in a new city (and new state), at a University was terrifying. It turned out he had accidentally set the alarm to PM, which explained why it didn't go off. 

 Tripping over blankets and clothes, strewn on the floor from the night before he stumbled into the shower and somehow managed to be ready by 9:50AM to leave. Kylo's only saving grace was that he had barely unpacked anything for his single night stay in the hotel. All he had needed to re-pack was his cellphone charger, laptop and his laundry from the day before. He had flown in from his hometown and arrived a day too early to claim his room in the schools dormitory. But today was the day. The real day, he could start his new life with his new name and leave everything in his past behind him. At least that's what the counsellors at the living facility and the government told him. It was never so easy as that, and his nightmare was proof enough that leaving the past behind was as good as impossible.

  Naturally the driver was short with Kylo and ticked off about being made to wait. He made sure Kylo knew he was on a schedule, that he had other people to move today and that he could have just left, as if that would make Kylo feel bad about being late. "Whatever," he really didn't want anything to do with chatting up the driver. He wished he had his own license so he would not have to tolerate people like this one, but he always been involved in more pressing things and never had time for learning to drive. Kylo made his best effort to avoid eye contact and give short answers yet the man would not shut up with him complaining. 

  It was a relief to get to the dormitory and be rid of the nagging driver. He even dismissed him without getting help to carry his things up to his room. In retrospect, that had been a terrible idea. He stood in the lobby of the dorm. building staring blankly at his luggage. There was too much to carry up in one trip and he was not willing to leave it alone, what if someone stole everything? He cursed his lack of forethought but was startled from the string of self directed mental insults that started up in his mind by a bright, friendly, female voice, "hey!" It somehow got through the loud music that blared over his headphones. 

  "Uh, hey," Kylo responded automatically as he removed one of the ear buds to focus on the girl who had called out to him. The look on her face made him realize she had probably called him more than once, he had just not heard her. "Can I help you?" It was a sarcastic question. He was not in any mood to deal with people anymore.

 "I was going to ask you that," she said and then held out her hand. "My name's Rey," she seemed less thrilled about talking to him now that he had been so rudely toned. Kylo Ren thought she might have been pretty but her forehead was distractingly big and for some ungodly reason she choose to keep her hair pulled back. _'And I thought my nose was huge,'_ he thought to himself as he took her offered hand tentatively.

"I guess..." Kylo Ren was not quite sure how this girl intended to help him.

  "Right. I will watch your things for you while you run upstairs a few times to put them in your dorm," she offered when she saw the confusion on his face.

 "Oh...sure. Thanks," Kylo said and startled to gather up as many things as he could carry without introducing himself. Rey cleared her throat. "Excuse you." He totally misinterpreted the gesture.

  Rolling her eyes Rey asked, "what's your name?"

 "Oh... B--Kylo," she raised an eyebrow when Kylo stuttered. He was never going to get used to his new name. You don't spend 19 years being called something and then get a new name and just switch to it, just like that. He should have changed his name sooner, he had plenty of time before now to do it and he'd know he would have to once he was relocated anyway. Yet another example of his poor forward thinking. His counsellors were always telling him he had to think ahead better. Maybe he should actually try and listen to their advice for once. Although it was a bit late for that now, since he no longer required one.

 As he departed to the elevator he was pretty sure Rey called 'nice to meet you' after him but he was too lost in his own thoughts to answer her. Kylo wondered who his roommate was, what they were like. He had grown up in a facility without many other people his age, and the ones who had been were mostly too weird to talk too. He was looking forward to making actual friends and finally existing in a normal environment.

  Kylo Ren was pretty impressed by how clean and new everything seemed. The University itself wasn't all that new but it was obvious they took their expensive tuition very seriously because everything was spot loss. At least until he got off the elevator into the hall. It was noisy. Some rooms had their doors propped open and people were already meeting each other and forming social cliques. Baggage was strewn in the hallway, half unpacked into rooms. Except for his room which had no action outside it what so ever. Perhaps he had somehow made it here before whoever his roommate was, despite that he was late. People could have started moving in as early as 7am but Kylo was not getting up that early! 

  He tried to the door handle and felt like an idiot when it was locked. Of course it would be locked. Kylo fumbled awkwardly into his pockets for his keys, dropped them on the floor and then just started at them feeling hopeless. He had way too many things in his hands and if he leaned over the guitar on his back was going to fall off since he had only put it on by one strap. He was quite vexed and was just preparing to put everything down to get the keys when the door opened.

  Kylo's roommate was shorter than him by several inches and the first thing he saw was perfectly styled, slicked back orange hair. As his looked down he was greeted by a rather severe looking expression of impatience. He was wearing fancy khaki pants, shining dress shoe-like loafers and a stylish golf style collared white shirt. Over all he looked freakishly well manicured and like a rich snob. "That's not a guitar," were the first words out of his mouth.

  "It is -- thanks for opening the door," he bit back the urge to be snarky. He was going to have to tolerate this person for an entire year. Kylo thought he could at least try and  not start anything immediately. The ginger stepped out of the way so Kylo could get past him. It was almost hard to tell anyone had moved in at all.

  "I'm Brendol Hux, the second...Just Hux is fine," his roommate introduced. He could feel eyes on his back, sizing him up.

  "Kylo Ren," he was proud of himself for not stuttering like an idiot over his own name.

  "What kind of name is that?" Hux sounded like he thought it was made up. _'Well, good for you. because it is.'_ Kylo thought to himself.

   "What kind of name is Brendol?" Kylo retorted, making the name sound as nasally and stuffy as possible. He mentally smacked himself. So much for being nice and trying to get along. He could hear the slight undignified suck in of breath as Hux exclaimed and bristled slightly. "Which room is mine?" He wanted to get back downstairs before the weirdly friendly girl Rey got bored and left his stuff sitting unattended. 

"Left," the stiff and clipped tone Hux offered made it evident that they were definitely not going to get along. Somehow they had interacted for all of 3 minutes and already managed to offend each other. Kylo Ren resolved to ignore him. So what if his roommate was a total douche? There was plenty of other people on this floor, plenty of classes for him to make friends in. 

  "We're allowed pets?" Kylo Ren blinked at the orange cat curled up on his bed. The room to his door had been left open and since animal cared little for boundaries and had wanted the quiet, undisturbed room apparently. Then again, the whole damn dorm room looked undisturbed. 

  "No," Hux answered from the couch of the tiny living space they would be sharing for the remainder of the year.

  "Then they the fuck is there a cat on my bed," Kylo dropped his things and moved back to the door of what would be his new room. From here he could see the layout of the small living quarters. It was just barely enough space to exist in but Kylo was used to that. When you entered the door to the dorm room from the hallway it immediately opened on the tiny kitchenette. They had a smallish fridge, a single sink and barely enough counter space to actually work on. Especially since there was a coffee pot and toaster set up on it. There was barely enough room for a small rectangular table with three uncomfortable looking chairs shoved against a half wall that separated the kitchen and lounging area. Which was also tiny. The lounge had a two person couch with 1 end table and a lamp, a small but high quality tv was mounted on the wall across from the couch, and it seemed they had a DvD player as well.  Across from the kitchenette was the shared bathroom. "Well?" Kylo prompted.

  Hux was reading a book and he rose his hand, asking for a moment. He took his sweet time finishing whatever he had been focusing on before he looked up with greyish-green eyes. "I have one anyway," he said after a moment. As if that was enough explanation.

  "What? I could report you! What if I was allergic," he wasn't. Kylo was just being difficult. 

  "Are you?" Hux responded calmly.

  "No," Kylo was annoyed to admit it. He almost yelled the word and had to take a breath to calm down. Just like the counsellor said. A few breaths, count to five.

  "Then who cares?" 

  Kylo snorted and marched out the door to go get the rest of his stuff. Just great. He was stuck in a room with some stuck up, rich looking, snotty posh asshole! What luck. Everyone in the hallway seemed to sense his foul mood and he received curious glances as he seethed back to the elevator.

  He was relieved to find that Rey was still waiting at his things but she did look bored and impatient. "Sorry I took so long. My roommate's a douche and I got distracted arguing with him," he jogged to gather up the rest of his things. He probably should have made a third trip instead but Kylo Ren was too worried his welcome had worn out.

  "It's okay... you should join our club," she stuffed a flier in his pocket.

  "I'll think about it," Kylo Ren said as he waddled awkwardly away with the rest of his possessions. He had brought his guitar but otherwise it was mostly just clothing and accessories and a few posters to liven up his room. At the living facility he had not been allowed to keep very many things so it was nice to begin personalizing his life now that he was free. When he got back to the dorm he had another argument about leaving the door open when Kylo didn't close it behind him. 

  "FUCKSAKES, I'll close the door next time! My hands were full!" He yelled at Hux's protests and he tossed his stuff angrily onto the bed beside the cat, who startled and ran off into the living room. He immediately regretted slamming his things down in a huff because he had crumpled several of the posters in the action. "Damn it," he muttered.

  "I swear Kylo. If my cat gets out," Hux sounded surprisingly threatening. For a smaller, slighter built man the ginger came off as strong and like he would absolutely follow through on whatever punishments he promised. His presence commanded authority, which rubbed Kylo the wrong way.

  "Why? Because then you'll get in trouble?" Kylo sneered, not letting himself be cowed.

  "I won't. But YOU will if I lose my cat."

 "Whatever," the dismissive gesture seemed to irritate Hux but he was satisfied that at least the tone seemed simultaneously submissive.  "I'll make sure to close the door." Kylo didn't even actually care about the cat at all. Hux just rubbed him the wrong way for some reason. He was so pretty and perfect and stiff! Kylo had been so excited for independence and freedom but it was pretty obvious this ginger haired roommate from hell was going to be Satan about everything. He heaved a sigh as Hux left. Apparently he was finally satisfied with the answer he had gotten.

  This was going to be a hell of a year. _'Life really does hate me,'_  Kylo thought bitterly as he began unpacking and putting his room together. The rooms had a twin bed, a decently sized closet, dresser and desk. Not bad. At least he had enough space to hibernate in his room and avoid Hux. Absolutely the opposite of how he wanted to spend his University life but it was preferable to dealing with THAT anymore.

  He flopped down onto the bed once it was cleared of his possessions (although his room was still in a considerably state of disarray) and heard crumpling in his pocket. That reminded him of the flier the big forehanded girl had offered him and curiosity got the better of Kylo Ren. He pulled the paper out of his pocket and smoothed it over on his chest before taking a look. It was headered with a bright rainbow flag and bold black LGBTQ letters in the middle of the flag. Underneath that it boldly proclaimed to be advertising the Gay & Straight Alliance of Lucas University. Kylo snorted and crumpled it up before tossing it aside. Not that he had any problems with gay people. Although he lacked the experience and had little time to explore his sexuality he was fairly certain he leaned that way himself... He just didn't see why he needed an alliance. It would likely just be a big group of people who got together and discussed how gay they were and the straight people would tell them how precious they were and it would just be stupid, he assumed. 

  Kylo Ren could not rest long though as he still had many things he had to do. Perhaps he should have planned to come earlier. The rest of his day was spent waiting in lines for the financial assistance program, locating his classes, and wandering the campus. All normal things for a normal student. This was it. This was the beginning of his new life and asshole of a roommate or not, he intended to make the best of it!

 


	2. The Past is Fanged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo finally seems to be settling in and making new friends... although he is still butting heads with his roommate Hux. That is at least, until the fangs of his past sink it's teeth in and the only one who can help him is the ginger haired ass he's been trying to avoid.

  After the first day everything seemed to smooth out and Kylo Ren was settling in. Although he still butted heads with his roommate. Hux was constantly nagging him, 'do the dishes' and 'Kylo, stop tracking dirt through the dorm' and Kylo's personal favourite 'eat your own food, stop taking mine' which was hilarious considering how often Kylo would let Hux have treats he had bought! It seemed they were cursed to argue forever and so he did his best to avoid their dorm as much as possible. Failing that he would hibernate behind locked doors. It was a state he wasn't entirely unfamiliar with but he had been hoping for so much more out of his new life.   
   
  One Wednesday between classes Kylo Ren had brought his electric guitar with him. Without an amp he couldn't hear more than the soft twang of the strings as he plucked out notes but practice was still practice and he found it comforting to play. That aside, it kept him from getting too anxious as students passed him by. He had settled on a little ledge of carpet that was elevated and seemed to exist for the exact purpose of giving students a place to loiter during the longer waits between classes. His head bobbed and his foot tapped to the beat of the 'Nymphetamine' by Cradle of Filth. His lips silently sung out Dani's parts and his fingers strummed the guitar, eyes closed in concentration. At least that was until he nearly jumped out of his skin in fright when strange fingers plucked one of his headphones up, "I said hey!"  
   
  "Huh?" The headphone had been let go and snapped back against his ear. Kylo Ren looked up from his guitar and his gaze moved up pale legs that seemed endless and a beautiful Amazonian body. She was fit and muscled and wore cloths to accent the curvature of her figure. When his eyes finally made it up to hers she was patiently waiting, a slight smirk on her face which seemed to ask 'like what you see?'. Her blonde hair was cropped short and styled in that 'faux hawk' punk rocker girls and lesbians seemed to like so much. She rocked it, everything about her screamed attitude. The bitch boot heels, fishnet stockings, waist cut tight pencil skirt paired with loose necked low cut pink shirt and neon make up to match. Her lips moved but he couldn't hear her over the blaring music.  
   
  As Kylo Ren took off his headphones as she finished whatever she had been saying and she asked, "are you good?" At least that was all he had heard of what she'd said.  
   
  "Huh?" He repeated cluelessly as he tried to figure out why this person was bothering him. The music still blared from his headphones but they rested around his neck now. He didn't turn it off, a subtle way of asking her to go away and leave him alone which seemed not to notice.  
   
  She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, "guitar, idiot. Are you good?"  
   
  Kylo Ren looked to his hands and the guitar and then back to her before he seemed to fully come out of whatever stupor had claimed him while he had been immersed in the music, "oh. Sorry. Uh, ya I guess so." It was not exactly a statement made with much confidence.   
   
  "Are you in a band?"   
   
  Oh great. Kylo Ren wondered if she was one of those girls who wanted to jump on anything with a guitar. She would surely be disappointed, "no." He had always wanted to be, but spending your entire teenage years on an asylum living facility stunted your ability to meet kids your age. And also made people assume you were an unhinged psychopath and therefore not want you in your band. This answer seemed to please the girl, which was counter to his assumptions about her.  
   
 "Great! Wanna be? I've got a band and we have a gig next week but our fuckin' guitarist dropped out. We DESPERATELY need a replacement," she had clapped her hands together as if in prayer. When Kylo Ren didn't immediately take the bait she added, "you'd get paaaaaaid."   
   
  That made his eyebrows raise. Kylo Ren had never gotten paid legitimately in his whole life. Every dollar that he had spent was from government compensation and grants which were just barely enough to keep his life going. "Sure... but a week? How much do I have to learn to play?" He asked at length, still plucking at the strings absently.  
   
  The girl clapped excitedly, "great!" She sat down beside him, crossing her legs in a lady like way as she did. She ignored his inquiry and without asking she plucked Kylo's phone from his pocket. It had already half fallen out as his rather fitted, skinny black jeans already. The pockets were barely big enough to hold the phone in the first place, and it was always falling out when he sat down. He had an older android smartphone but it still had a touch screen with capability for all the snazzy aps on the store and most important, the music he was listening to.   
   
  "Hey!" It was reflex to try and grab it back but she just dodged out of his way as she started adding herself to his contacts.  
   
  "Calm down, man. I'm just adding myself to your contacts so you can text me your email... Whoa, man. You have like... literally no one in here," she rose an eyebrow. The only other name was Hux. She texted herself Kylo's number using the automatic personal contact card that came with most modern phones. Her purse buzzed softly a few seconds later. She handed him back his phone.

  "Phasma?" He rose an eyebrow at her name. That couldn't possibly be her real name.

  "Really? Guy named 'Kylo' is gonna talk shit about other people's names," she asked and Kylo Ren flinched. He had already received several comments about his weird name. She looked like she felt bad when she saw his reaction. "It's actually a stage name. Real name is Gwendoline. Don't ever call me that though," She said the name with distaste and let the unspoken threat linger in the air between them. Her eyes were surprisingly sharp. "Anyway... I'll text you later for your email and send you the files."

  "I don't know if I can learn everything on time.. But I'll try," he was excited but still hesitant. Making friends had not exactly been his forte and he was suspicious this was someone's idea of a joke.

  Phasma clapped him on the back so hard it made him grunt as she exclaimed, "I'm sure you can. Looked pretty skilled. We are just a punk band anyway. Mostly power chords." She laughed when Kylo scrunched up his face in disproval. "You don't gotta like it. Just gotta play it." She glanced at her watch, "anyway! I'll see you later. I'm late for class," and then she was standing and striding away. Why a girl as tall as Phasma would wear heeled boots was beyond Kylo. He watched her retreating form through the crowd and shrugged to himself, put his headphones back on and went back to playing.

 

\-------------

 

  His next class seemed to drag on and Kylo Ren was amused to find Phasma texting him. They barely knew each other and yet she casually complained about her own classes between sending him links of the band he'd be playing with. The videos were low quality phone recordings done by people in the underground bars they played at. But it gave him a good idea of what he was getting into, Phasma had said they were punk but they had a heavier edge then he had expected and found he was not as adverse to playing with them as he had thought. Through text Phasma told her the bassist went by 'TR8R' and the vocalist was a guy named Finn who didn't entirely seem suited for the music style but still seemed passionate enough.

  By the time the class was over Kylo Ren couldn't remember any of the lesson because he'd been so distracted and knew he would be stuck doing the reading later, or else finding _someone_ who had taken notes during the lecture. If those people even actually existed. In an effort to avoid Hux Kylo went to the cafeteria for dinner and enjoyed the greasiest meal he could afford. Once he had stuffed himself, there was nothing else he could do to dawdle further so he heaved a sigh and dragged himself back towards his dorm room.

  Phasma had sent Kylo the tabs for the songs he needed to learn for the next Wednesday night (seriously, what a weird day to have a gig!) and he thought he could at least amuse himself with that. He would likely have to spend every spare moment practicing if he had any hope of not sounding awful. A week was such an absurdly tiny amount of time to learn so much!

  When he entered their room Kylo froze. Hux was sitting at the table in the kitchen with several rifle looking paint ball guns. He hadn't used any of them in a considerable amount of time but his friends through his father's military connections had invited him out for a day. While the young man normally couldn't be bothered with their antics his ego had been stroked. They needed a plan of attack and the team he was joining for the weekend had been on a losing streak. Hux was up for the challenge. Unfortunately though, Kylo Ren was not. Hux  looked up with that same cold, impassive expression he always had on, "Kylo. Close the door." He snapped when he saw his dark curly haired roommate standing half in and half out of the room. Millicent (as Kylo had learned the cats name was) had her green eyes focused on the opening between Kylo's legs and into the hall with intense curiosity.

  Kylo seemed off in his own world, his eyes locked on the paintball guns which had been designed with considerable realism in mind. He stepped forward, but not out of any intention to obey Hux. The door slowly closed behind him and Millicent mewled as she was almost caught between the door and frame when she made an escape attempt. Kylo didn't notice, his dark eyes were far away as moved with a strange mechanical slowness towards the table. Without saying a word he picked up the nearest paintball gun at the table and he examined it with unseeing eyes.

  "Put that down," Hux snapped in his usual agitation. When Kylo didn't obey he opened his mouth to snap again but then the gun was pointing at him and he suddenly stopped. Something was wrong, Kylo wasn't with him. He was physically here but his eyes were blank, his facial expressions made no sense. His finger clicked uselessly against the trigger.  "KYLO!" Hux yelled and the other young man jumped, startled out of whatever memory he had been living. The paintball rifle dropped from his fingers and hit the table, bounced off of it and clattered to the floor. Kylo's fingers threaded into his thick curls, grasping the hair into fists so tightly his eyes watered and a guttural scream escaped his lips. Hux reached forward to grab at Kylo, "what's going on. Kylo?" The agitation had given way to worry.

  When his fingers closed around Kylo's upper arm the other yelled again and shoved, "NOOO!". Hux was sent flying backwards into the table and he barely caught himself from ending up on the floor. On the other end Kylo almost threw himself to the ground, against the door directly behind him with enough force to shake the walls. He curled into himself and his face was crunched, eyes closed as he sobbed openly. His entire body shook.

  Much more cautious then before Hux stood where he had been thrown, "Kylo?" His voice was softer. "Kylo what's happening?" The ginger haired young man was suspicious he already knew the answer. He had seen something like this before. One of his father's friends, a war veteran had struggled with PTSD. The attack he had witnessed then, reminded him of this incident. That sudden far off look, the way he acted as if he were in a different world. If that was the case, then yelling and grabbing had been the absolute wrong things to do.

 Dredging up what memories he could on how to deal with the situation Hux tried a different approach. If this was what he suspected, he wanted to get his roommate back to himself before any further damage was caused. He had seen his father's friend trash their entire backyard, hurting himself and others before he could be stopped. It was a miracle no one had come to their door yet, banging on it to find out what was going on. Thank god for bystander apathy. Likely no one wanted to deal with whatever had screamed the way Kylo Ren had. "Whatever you're seeing, it's not real." He shuffled a little closer, moving slowly towards him. He could see Kylo had his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

  "Kylo. Open your eyes," his voice was stern. "Kylo I don't know what you're seeing. But it's not real. It isn't happening. Please open your eyes and look at me," Hux had spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the many things that could be wrong with his irresponsible, annoying and broody roommate but this went beyond what he had considered. He took in a deep breath and let out a sight when he noticed Kylo's shaking had calmed.

  Dark eyes peered through the gap between his arms which curtained his face, fists still balled on his hair but loosening. "Hux?" Kylo's voice was small, almost childlike sounding.

  Hux nodded, "ya. It's me - don't look anywhere else" His voice became sharp when he saw Kylo's eyes start to wander from his. The ginger headed young man was worried Kylo would spot the guns again. They had clearly been the trigger of this.

  "Where are we?" Kylo's voice was strained, worried.

   "You're in the dorm room," short easy answers.

  "Oh."

  "Kylo, what happened?" Hux was worried he might send the other into a fit but he needed to be sure he was right. Hux started to reach forward but when Kylo flinched away he stopped.

  "Don't touch me -- I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped as he shoved himself further into the corner. It was pathetic. His feet slipped on the tiled floors and the wall prevented him from going any further but the 6'3" man somehow managed to make himself seem small.

  Hux rose his hands, "okay. That's fine then. Don't talk about it. But... I think what's behind me is what set you off. Got it?" Kylo Ren nodded, his sobbing had settled. His eyes seemed to focus extra intensely on Hux's eyes as the other tried to accommodate him. Like he was scared to look anywhere else. "So. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to lead you to your room and I need to touch you to do it. Okay? So I can get rid of it." Kylo nodded again.

  Using his body to block Kylo's view of the table and the fallen paintball gun on the floor Hux crouched down and reached forward and carefully extracted Kylo's hands from his hair. His palms were bloody from where he'd clutched his hair so tightly he had dug his own nails into them. Together they rose up and carefully Hux guided Kylo into his room. Once Hux had guided him safely to his room and sat him down he retrieved the orange cat who had made her way in here anyway. He put her on his lap. "Here. Pet Millicent... I'm gonna get the first aid kit," he instructed. Kylo responded automatically, petting the cat with his fingers, scratching at her neck. He had that queer far off look again.

  As Hux started out he said, "describe everything in your room around you."

  "What?" Kylo seemed confused.

  "Just do it," Hux sighed, did he always have  to be so difficult. The red head was in the bathroom, rummaging around under the sink. There was a moment of silence before he started. Kylo described the room, it's size and shape and was in the middle telling Hux about the posters on the wall when the ginger returned. He couldn't do much more then clean the wounds on Kylo's hands and ensure they weren't bleeding freely.

  "How'd you know what to do?" Kylo asked quietly, flinching at the sting of antibiotics against his wounded hands. Millicent had leaped off of lap by then and was lounging on the bed behind them. The orange cat yawned and laid down, curling up to go to sleep.

  "I come from a military family... It's P.T.S.D. right?" Hux asked. Whether Kylo Ren had been diagnosed or not was another question. Suddenly the journals he always saw his roommate recording in made sense. Perhaps they served a purpose beyond indulging in an edgy habit, and went into actual mental health territory where he was required to write them?

  "Oh..." He didn't answer the question directly but the way he seemed to shrink away was enough of an answer. "Don't tell anyone okay?"

  "Why would I?" Hux asked as he sat on the floor in front of Kylo. This was the longest interaction they had together since their first day.

  "Because you're a dick?" A slight smirk quirked the corner of Kylo's lips.

  Hux rolled his eyes, "alright. I get it. You're better." He scoffed and got up and started to walk away. He had barely gotten all the way to his feet and turned away when Kylo caught him by the wrist.

  "Don't go. I'm sorry...that was stupid, just... thanks..." His head was bowed, staring at the back of Hux's feet. Looking closer it became evident he was still shaking. It was much more slight then before but symptoms still remained. The moment Hux sat down, Kylo lay his head on the gingers shoulder. It only lasted a moment because Hux's discomfort was palpable. "Sorry," Kylo sat up again.

  "No. It's fine," Hux had never been one for such physical displays. His father had always considered them weak. He wasn't even really allowed to hug or kiss his mother and as a result they made him uncomfortable. He didn't know how to react to them but people like Kylo needed them. Hux didn't want to have to deal with Kylo's problems anymore then Kylo wanted to have them. If this helped, he was willing to indulge in the moment. Kylo's head rested on his shoulder again and he smirked to himself. "But, uh, don't tell anyone okay?" He was mocking Kylo from earlier.

  "Fuck you, Hux."

  "Fuck you too Kylo." For whatever reason their stupid bickering made Kylo feel better. Hux knew how to deal with him, to deal with the trauma from his past even without knowing what it was. But what was a nice change was the he didn't feel coddled. Not like when he had lived on site in the asylum. The doctors treated him like glass. Like anything could set him off, like he could shatter into a thousand pieces if they weren't too careful. But not Hux. He was still an asshole and for some reason that's exactly what Kylo liked about him.


	3. Hell hath no fury like Kylo Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is desperate to find out what triggered Kylo Ren's fit the week before. Meanwhile Kylo Ren is just excited to play his first gig with his new band!

 Hux scoffed to himself as he scrolled through the internets many informative pages regarding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how to help it. He could almost laugh, he had left home to get away from the military lifestyle, to take one last breath of air away from his strict family life and the oppressive expectation that came with a high ranking family lineage and he had stumbled onto a fool who suffered from the same sickness of half his family and their friends. He had always considered P.T.S.D. to be a weak reaction to the trauma. Hux could not understand the point of it, to linger and agonize. Hux had always prided himself on rational thinking, on being prepared and keeping everything in control. When he could not ensure a perfect outcome he would ensure he knew everything possible to make the best judgement he could and therefore there was no use lamenting or losing yourself to the distress of reliving something over and over.   
  
  This was what he was perusing now. Pragmatic as ever he was determined to learn all he could about P.T.S.D, past the infrequent encounters he had experienced. Hux had no desire to relive a repeat of the night several days ago. Kylo was a danger to himself and to everyone around him if he should be triggered once more. Hux had two painful bruises on his arm and leg from being slammed into the table during the scuffle as a reminder for that. Thus he also wanted to know the root cause, yet try as he might Kylo Ren refused to talk about it. He kept repeating some half hearted nonsense about, "the past is in the past." His phone buzzed softly on his desk and Hux glanced down at it to see Kylo's name, a text message.  
  
<Make ur own dinner 2nite I'm at band>   
  
  Hux twitched slightly at the short hand. Kylo Ren had been freakishly kind to him ever since that night too. It was almost bugged him more then the broody aloof version of his roommate he had first met. At least when Kylo was sulking Hux could concentrate. Though not having to cook his own dinners had been nice and he realized belated he hadn't taken anything out of the freezer to eat.   
  
<Sure>  
  
  Hux considered also sending a snappy comment about spelling and being able to cook for himself but he decided against it and put down the phone thoughtfully. Suddenly it struck him, if Kylo Ren was out late then Hux had a chance to snoop. He'd seen Kylo writing in daily journals. He wondered if he might be able to glean some clues. He picked up the phone again.  
  
<How late are you going to be out?> Hux added on to the first text. Kylo responded almost instantly.  
  
<1 i think y?>  
  
Hux huffed. He never cared what Kylo did or how long he was out. Of course he'd want to know why this sudden interest in his schedule. He responded, <No reason. Don't be loud when you come in. Some of us like to sleep properly before class.> He tucked his phone away intent to ignore it and glanced at the clock. He had several hours before Kylo would go home so he went to his homework first. Actually getting done the mountains of history papers was more important then snooping through Kylo's room. At least, that's what he told himself. Despite his insistence his brain refused to cooperate and kept drifting to the room beside his which likely contained the answered he had sought this last week.  
  
  With a frustrated huff the ginger haired young military man turned history student stood up abruptly. The chair scarped gratingly against the wooden floor and Hux winced. It would likely leave a scratch and he regretted that he had not considered putting felt stoppers on the base of the chair to prevent this from happening. It was too late now and he resolved to put a floor mat down in the future. It was only a few steps from that thought to Kylo's door and Hux tried the handle expecting it to be locked. It wasn't. He rolled his eyes, Hux was sure Kylo would leave the main door unlocked too if it didn't lock itself automatically. Hux couldn't help but wonder what sort of horribly sheltered life Kylo must have lived, that he left the doors unlocked so haphazardly. It worked him though, Hux was not picked a lock since middle school. One did not cross paths with his father, Brendol Hux the first more then once after all.   
  
  The room was a mess and the eternal stern scowl that Hux usually wore turned into a frown for just a moment. Cloths were heaped on the floor at random, the closet door was open, the chair wasn't pushed into the desk and pens were scattered across the desk and onto the floor. Resisting the urge to rectify the situation the proud ginger haired college student began to search around. The journal wasn't on the desk, only half completed homework and those wayward pens.  
  
  As Hux began to shuffle around in Kylo's desk he quickly noticed that his roommate had very little in the way of personal items. The desk was filled mostly with school related books and papers and somehow he still managed to make it a mess. Everything was haphazardly thrown into drawers, pages of notes were crumpled. When Hux found nothing in the desk he straightened himself and turned a circle, trying to decide where one might hide their private journal as he contemplated the state of Kylo's room. Despite the cluttered mess, everything was mostly relevant to school. The only personal items that Kylo Ren seemed to have was the band posters that decorated the white walls, as if he were desperately trying to cover every inch of the boring paint job.  
  
  Hux's steely cool eyes stopped on the bed and after a moments hesitation he wandered over and hiked up the mattress. The ginger was rewarded with the brown leather journal he had seen Kylo Ren writing in numerous times. There was actually several of them, all lined down the wood of the bed underneath the mattress, between the box spring. Years were embossed into each one except the one directly at the top of the bed, as if he would get them date stamped when he finished them. It was the most organized thing he had seen from his roommate to this day and it pleased him to know that Kylo Ren wasn't a total animal.  
  
  He plucked up the newest, undated journal in the hopes that Kylo did more then drawl about every boring detail of his day. Millicent mewled loudly and Hux glanced up to see she had wandered into Kylo's room. For whatever reason, the orange cat would unfailingly come in here the second the door was open. "I swear you're a traitor," Hux grumbled, quite convinced his cat liked Kylo more then him. Millicent mewled as if in protest and the general allowed a very slight smile to cross his features.  
  
  "Ready for some stories?" Hux asked the cat and waved the journal in one hand while dropping the mattress into place. Millicent mewled again. Hux had gotten into the habit of talking to the cat. She was the only person who had never judged him, never hurt him and never had any expectations for him outside of being bed regularly. He could live with that. It was nice to let his guard down every so often after all.  
  
  "It's not wrong. He won't mind if I'm doing it to help him... besides, I won't get caught. I know better then that," Hux responded to Millicent as if he had been accused of snooping. He settled down on Kylo's bed and cracked open the journal. Millicent let out a chattering noise and leaped up onto his chest. She made sure to walk directly in the way of Hux's attempts to read the journal several times before he managed to get her to settle on his belly, out of his way.  
  
  The pages were creamy, textured, white bound in soft leather as if the books were meant to be a sketchbook as opposed to a journal. Kylo Ren's entries were jotted in messy handwriting that was something between cursive and plain writing, Hux couldn't quite decide. Despite what was clearly Kylo's best effort to be neat, the sentences seemed to slope at an angle more and more the longer an entry got. Flipping through the pages, some entries were very short, a sentence to mark the passing day but others were much, much longer. There were a few crude drawings as well. Shaking his head Hux flipped back to the beginning of the journal and started scanning the pages.  
  
  
  Everything was conveniently dated. The journal gave off the leather and soft musty paper and ink smell as Hux flipped through the pages and found what he was looking for. He carefully smoothed out the page, appreciating the rough texture. He was vastly disappointed and somehow not surprised to find that Kylo Ren summarized the attack without explaining the memories. "Of course," Hux muttered. He should have known. Kylo Ren was a reaction type of person and he described the associated emotions, what he had felt and not what he had relived.   
  
  Hux sighed impatiently as this endeavor was clearly going to take more effort and energy then he had intended to allot to it. The scheduled young man chewed subtly at the inside of his cheek, his eyes gazing towards the ceiling as he tried to decide if he wanted to keep pursuing thing or get back to his homework. He knew his school work was the far more important folly but hadn't Hux come to this place to get a break from the rigidity of his existence for once? None of the work he had to do was due to next day anyway. It took more effort then Hux would like to admit to convince himself to abandon his plans for the night but he shoved Millicent from his lap and then sat on the floor beside Kylo Ren's bed and started rummaging. He had no idea at all when the event might have happened and so he settled himself on the floor and began working through each journal, skimming entries and looking for a hint at what Kylo had been through.  
  
  -----  
  
  "Stop!" Phasma yelled as she tried to get between the boys. Their performance had been a disaster. Kylo Ren had actually done really well memorizing their songs and had shown up with the excited look of a child in Disney world. She had been so excited for him until it turned out, half way through their second song that Finn and TR8TR had gotten into an argument before the show, before they had all arrived.   
  
  Into the second song TR8TR accidentally knocked into Finn while he was pacing the stage and playing and for whatever reason their singer had nearly lost his mind. He shoved back, mid song and started yowling about being sick of the band. The mic's screamed in protest shrieking out feedback to the abuse as a fight broke out between the two and suddenly the whole band had been apprehended by security and tossed out. This was where they were now.   
  
  Kylo Ren looked pathetic, he was standing away from the two men as they argued and Phasma was screaming at them all to stop. "I'm done with! I'm quitting!" Finn finally yelled. "You guys never listen to me. Never take me seriously. Was what you 2 want! I'm done. I can do better then this!"  
  
 Finn turned to stomp away when TR8TR retaliated with a roar and startled the darker skinned man into pausing. Taking full advantage of the moment the angry bassist grabbed onto the collar of Finns white t-shirt and yanked him back, winding up for a punch. Kylo Ren's eyes widened and his quiet, slouching form suddenly uncoiled from where it had been trying to shrink into the shadows and avoid the confrontation. For someone who seemed so jittery and lanky he was shockingly athletic. He shot between them and one of his hands untwisted TR8TR's grip on Finns shirt and shoved him away.   
  
  Phasma gasped in shock though because he was not quick enough to avoid the punch that had already been let fly and Kylo Ren caught it with his face. He staggered backwards, hands shooting up to cover his face. "What the hell!?" TR8TR yelled.  
  
  "This is fucking stupid!" Kylo yelled as he caught the bassists attempt to charge Finn as if they were practicing for football. His feet skidded back on the pavement but he managed to stop TR8TR's assault. Finn had hastily gotten to his feet, a look of startled fright in his face.  
  
  "This is why I don't wanna be in the band anymore! I quit!" He gave Kylo a slight nod of appreciation before bolting down the street and away from the fight. Phasma was watching Finn run away so when she heard Kylo grunt in pain she was surprised to look back and see the bassist had taken his anger out on their new guitarist. He had stepped back and punched at Kylo again in the face screaming madly at him for letting Finn get away.   
  
  Rage sliced into Kylo like a hot knife. He had been trying to help, trying to break up the fight before anyone got hurt and now he was the one getting hurt. It always happened like this! At the asylum he had often gotten into fights between other teenagers there. It always started with him breaking it up and ended with him beating someone to a bloody pulp instead. It had been years since he'd last lost control but the taste of his own copper blood on his swollen lips and the madness in TR8TR's eyes had set him off.  
  
 He let out a primal roar and attacked, lunging out with fists and punches far stronger then his gangly body looked capable of producing. It made him furious beyond reason when he tried to help, like he always did and it just got him more trouble. When he got like this, he didn't even recognize the pain he was inflicting on his opponent and himself. He only saw red.  
  
 He might have done some serious damage but Phasma had enough. She kicked off her high heeled shoes with an exasperated noise and grabbed the back of the first shirt collar she could reach. She yanked Kylo Ren off of TR8TR who had been knocked to the ground and was futilely trying to protect his face with raised arms and a terrified expression. Phasma tossed Kylo Ren with freakish ease to the nearest wall and then stood between the boys at equal height with the blood lust blind guitarist. Her size aside, the sheer command of her presence pulled Kylo up short and he seemed to come back to himself as abruptly as he had been lost. "What the fuck is wrong with men!? For fucks sake!!" Phasma yelled.  
  
  Kylo Ren flinched and seemed to shrink in shame and horror. They would never let him come back to the band now! Phasma wouldn't want to be his friend anymore after what had just happened. Worse then that Kylo had done exactly what he wasn't supposed to do. He had tried to help, tried to be the good guy and somehow now his knuckles were bleeding and TR8TR already had bruises forming on his arms from the viciousness of the strikes laid against him. When it seemed like no one was going to answer she cursed again. "I'm gonna go make sure we can get our god damn equipment back while you idiots contemplate how fucking stupid you are," Phasma said and grabbed her heels from where they'd been discarded before stomping inside.  
  
  "S-sorry man," TR8TR said shakily. He had made it completely back to his feet again and was looking wearily at Kylo, trying to make himself look small and unthreatening as possible. He had seen the madness in the others eyes. He wasn't entirely convinced it could be gone already, so suddenly.  
  
  "No. Don't be. I'm sorry. I ... I'm sorry I," Kylo choked out in a stutter. His shame seemed to overcome him though and he just shook his head and bolted. Phasma had driven them all there but he was sure she wouldn't want him anywhere near her. He let his thick dark curls fall into his face as he ran and pulled his head up, trying to hide his bloody visage from passerby's to avoid having to stop and talk to anyway. It was stupid to abandon his guitar at the venue. It was stupid that he had even tried to be a normal young adult. All these thoughts and more flung through his head as he flew through the streets. By the time he made it back to the apartment his lungs burned, his body ached and was covered with sweat and most of all he couldn't believe he had actually just run what was actually a 15 minute drive without stopping.   
  
  Kylo Ren's blood pounded in his ears as he waited in the musicless elevator. As soon as it dinged onto his floor he ran down the hall and thanked whatever God was listening when it was deserted. He tried to open the door but it was locked so he fumbled around for his keys, ignoring the buzzing of his cellphone as he received text message after message. No doubt it was Phasma telling him to never show his stupid ugly face around her again.  
  
  From inside the apartment Kylo could hear a sudden scrambling of sound. Like someone dropping something very heavy and then stomping around. He got the door open just on time to see Hux slamming HIS bedroom door closed. "What the fuck were you in my room for?" Kylo's eyes narrowed dangerously. He'd had enough shit for one day.   
  
  Hux's eyes widened when he saw Kylo Ren. His hair was hanging wet and sweaty around his face and blood still spilled from his split lip, had spattered his black shirt and sweater as well. Kylo Ren's knuckles were bruised and his eyes looked darker, more sunken then usual. One eye was going black. "What the fuck happened to you!?" Hux asked, surprising himself with how shocked and concerned his voice actually sounded.  
  
 "No. No, you're not changing the subject! What were you in my room for?" Kylo stalked forward like a predator and Hux backed against the door, feeling the hard wood behind him preventing him from going any further. Hux had been born and raised in a military family. He had trained in hand to hand combat, knew how to fire, clean and take apart a gun faster then anyone he knew and could strategize with the best of his peers. Yet the look in Kylo Ren's eyes was frightening. Hux's heart beat just a little too quickly as his mind wheeled through the many situations that could unfolded, as he tried to pluck the best of them and as Kylo Ren advanced step by step closer to him.


	4. Advance and Retreat

  Hux grasped at the first excuse that wasn't garbage which came to his mind, "I couldn't find Millicent. I noticed your room door was open a bit, so I was just checking." It all came out in a clipped off rush because Kylo Ren was upon him now and his bloody knuckled hand had closed around the front of his shirt, rumpling it's perfection and marring it with dirt and blood.

  "Oh," and just like that, all the energy and menace drained from Kylo like the blood still dripping off his lips. Hux let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding just as the mentioned cat wiggled her orange furry rear from behind the television stand. It could not have been more convenient. Hux mentally filed away a reminder to give her treats later. Kylo Ren's hand slipped from the gingers shirt, leaving behind blood and dirt and his posture slumped. His breath was erratic and labored like he had just run a marathon.

  "What happened?" He repeated his earlier question as the dark, curly haired Kylo Ren slunk over to the couch and collapsed into the not-as-soft-as-they-looked cushions. His fingers curled into those thick tresses and pulled in obvious frustration at whatever had transpired.

  "I'm a fuck up. That's what happened," Kylo mumbled so quietly it was almost hard to catch what he said.

  "Not as fucked up as the guy who's ass you kicked though?" Hux allowed a little warmth and mirth into his voice, trying to lighten the situation enough to get his broody companion to come out with it. There was nothing more annoying then when he floated around their dormitory in his dark moods and he was determined to stop that from happening. Kylo was horrifically distracting when he would huff around in a distraught mess and pace the very limited floor space.

  Kylo threw his arms back dramatically and sprawled out across the entire couch and almost wailed, "it was one of my band mates."

Hux had to resist rolling his eyes, "so what happened?" He hated playing this game and yet it made so much more sense now that he knew the things he did. There seemed to be no response forthcoming as Kylo just groaned loudly. So as he waited for Kylo Ren to get over his theatrical whiny fit on the couch Hux wandered into the bathroom for the and got the first aid kit. Kylo had thrown an arm over his eyes at that point. "If you're not going to tell me then at least sit up and let me fix you. You're getting blood everywhere. Do you have any idea how much of a pain it is to clean that?"

  When Kylo Ren did not immediately respond Hux sighed heavily and grabbed the other mans wrist, pulling it until he finally sat up, slumped over. Hux retrieved a cloth and started going through the first aid kit to figure out what he could do for the split lip and torn knuckles and finally Kylo Ren started to talk. "It was dumb. The guitarist and the singer got into a fight in the middle of the gig. Apparently it's an on going thing," he shrugged.

  "So then... how are you the fuck up?" Hux asked and without even thinking he reached up and wiped at the blood that had run down Kylo's chin and started dabbing at the lip which had finally stopped bleeding. Kylo winced at the contact so near his wound. He expected it to hurt but was surprised to find that Hux was being quite gentle.

  Kylo couldn't remember the last time someone had been kind to him for the sake of it. His heart still thumped in his chest, it hadn't stopped since he'd arrived but Kylo didn't think it was from the fight or the run anymore. The flush in his cheeks should have long since faded and yet it remained stubbornly, growing hotter it seemed and he realized suddenly that he couldn't remember what Hux had asked. Finally Kylo rose his head and his hair parted and their eyes met. Kylo's conflicted dark gaze matching the steely probing eyes of the ginger who tended him. There was a moment of almost electrical intensity between them and Kylo saw a searching concern within Hux. Impulsively Kylo grabbed at the ginger. One hand on his wrist and the other on the front of his shirt and he pulled Hux off his knees almost onto him on the couch in a kiss that was absurdly inappropriate.

  Their lips connected and it hurt badly, tasted of blood but the pain seemed inconsequential because Kylo Ren was a passionate, reactive person and he had simply done what seemed right in the moment. Hux's eyes widened in shock his hands gripping Kylo's knees to steady himself and just as hands reached to grab into his ginger hair he pulled back. "What the hell!?" Hux recoiled back and away and ended up stumbling until he fell on his backside.

  Kylo's lips were bleeding again, "ah! I'm sorry! The look you gave me, I thought -- "

  Hux's face and ears were flush and for once his face wasn't set into that neutral scorning expression but rather, it had lit up with surprise and shock and one hand covered his mouth. His tongue ran over his lips where Kylo's had been a moment before and he felt a shiver shoot down his spine at the taste of blood, "nevermind. Forget it. Just... you're, do you have a concussion maybe?" Hux dismissed it trying his best not to sound horrifically awkward.

  "No," Kylo said hoarsely. He had gone back to hiding under his hair.

 Hux got up and in a desperate attempt to ignore the tension which had suddenly formed between them he shoved the bloody cloth into his hand, "here. Stop your stupid lip from bleeding again... I got... bactine for your hands." Hux could not recall a time in his entire life where he had felt so flustered and out of control. Kylo Ren was a wild card, the likes of which he had never encountered before and even with his new knowledge of the men, he was still surprising him. It seemed information did not always give you the edge and advantage to predict every outcome. At least when people were involved.

  Also trying to dial back the awkwardness that was between them Kylo decided now was a good time to elaborate on what had happened. He explained to Hux that there had been a long standing issue between the bassist and the singer and that at the gig the 2 had gotten into a fight on stage. It resulted in them being kicked out midway through their set which had lead to the fight behind the building.

  "When Phasma went back inside to get our equipment I just bolted. I totally lost control and I'm sure neither of them want to see me ever again," Kylo grimaced as he finished his story. "It sucks because they still have my guitar..." He knew there was no way he could replace it. He had no job, the band was going to be his extra money but he was sure it was in shambles now. He had broken the band, just like he'd killed his father and broken his mother. He couldn't do anything right. He seemed like he was walked the edges of despair.

  Hux cleared his throat and awkwardly put his hand on Kylo's knee. Dark eyes darted to stare at it in surprise, after that horribly awkward kiss he was sure they would never come into physical contact again. Seeing the look, the ginger haired young man removed his hand almost immediately afterwards, "I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Sounds like those idiots needed a good punch anyway." Hux hated that sort of drama. It was so unnecessary and seemed to him, like it was over nothing and somehow Kylo had gotten between it. The loss of control certainly aligned with his P.T.S.D. symptoms.

  "You think?" Kylo sounded doubtful and as he asked he finally felt the buzzing of his phone in his pocket. Hux was nodding as Kylo grabbed the phone from his pocket and his jaw dropped.

 "What?" Hux craned his neck to try and get a better look at the phone. Normally he would not have been so impatient and outwardly nosey but he was still desperately looking for a distraction from the earlier incident. Kylo's mouth hung slighty open in surprise and that hardly did anything to stop the general from thinking of the taste on his lips.

  "Uh... It's Phasma," there was 5 missed calls and a dozen texts messages. Even as Kylo tried to unlock the phone Phasma called again and that caused him to accidentally accept the call instead. He yelped in surprise and shoved the phone at Hux suddenly. "You take it I can't face her!"

  "You're such a child," Hux almost dropped the phone from Kylo's desperation to  be rid of it. He could already hear a female voice yelling over it. By the time he recovered Kylo had scuttled to the other end of the small couch and was staring at the phone like it was a bomb.

 Hux rolled his eyes, not bothering to disguise his impatience this time and put the phone up to his ear, "hello?"

  "Who the fuck is this?"

  "Hux. Is this Phasma?" He twitched slightly at the rudely demanding tone of the womans voice.

  "Yes... oh you're the dickbag roomate?"

  "I guess so." Hux glared at Kylo who blinked innocently, having no idea what Phasma was saying. What the hell kind of insult was that, anyway?!

  "Whatever. Is Kylo there? Is he okay? He forgot his guitar... and should probably go see a doctor," her questions were rushed enough that it was clear she was concerned. Hux could hear the wind blowing through an open window.

  "Yah. He's here and I've taken care of it. He doesn't need to go to the doctor it's just a split lip and bloody knuckles. Unless, did he hit his head?"

  "No. Why? Well I mean, he got punched in the face a few times --- but anyway I have his guitar can I drop it off?" Phasma asked. The tone of her voice suggested she really just wanted the excuse to come over and see for herself that he was okay.

  "Nevermind. Sure," Hux said. If Kylo was going to call him an asshole, then he would continue to be one. He knew Kylo didn't want to face Phasma but he was feeling vindictive and also relieved for the excuse to have a third person around and distract from the awkwardness that still lingered. They both said their goodbyes and Hux hung up and threw the phone at Kylo who was still cowering on the other side of the couch while watching curiously.

  "Well?" He asked expectantly.

  "Well, what? She's on her way to bring your guitar," Hux said. He took great pleasure in the horrified expression that crossed Kylo's face.

  "Why!?" Kylo Ren had the look of a betrayed and kicked puppy. Hux was sure it was an indication that he was a horrible person that this continued to bring him joy.

  "Since I'm a 'dickbag' I thought it was suitable to torture you by having her over," Hux reveled in the grimace that followed and Kylo Ren flopped dramatically back over the couch in a similar pose to earlier and groaned exaggeratedly. It seemed to be his current 'woe is me' pose and Hux could not find it within himself to be at all sympathetic.

  "I didn't meeean it... well actually I did. But I don't mean it now," Kylo whined.

  "Obviously," Hux felt his face heat up again and he licked his lips in memory of the kiss just a few minutes earlier and that awkward tension came crashing upon them again. Then there was a knock at the door. Both of them exchanged glances and then looked at the door. Hux answered it because it was clear that Kylo had no intention of moving. He was huddled in the corner of the couch, clutching a pillow like a shield and didn't so much as twitch in reaction other then their shared look of surprise.

  Phasma was at the door with Kylo's guitar and she strode inside. Her eyes appraised it for just a moment, "as spotless as you promised." Her nonchalance seemed to confuse Kylo immensely and that showed on his face. She mistook his confusion, "someone let me in. I love how you boys just let ANY girl into your side of the dorm."

  "How'd you get here so fast?" Hux asked.

  "I was already outside when you answered," She set the guitar down and flopped herself on the couch beside Kylo Ren. Completely unafraid despite his uncontrollable fit of rage and viciousness from earlier. "So... what the fuck happened?"

  Kylo fidgeted under her searching eyes and then shrugged helplessly.

  "He has P.T.S.D. or something," Hux piped up and Kylo's back went ram rod straight.

  "What the hell Hux?!" Kylo had never confirmed or denied the claims but Hux had been dogging him about it for a week since his incident.

  Phasma's gaze whipped from the ginger to Kylo in surprise, "really? From what? Did you serve or something? You don't like that old" She leaned forward with each question which caused Kylo to curl back into his smaller posture ever so slowly.

  "I don't wanna talk about it," he moped and clutched the pillow closer and his dark eyes glowered angrily at Hux. The ginger haired young man was just happy that Kylo's anger had evaporated all remaining tension and awkwardness between them, at least for the moment.

 Phasma shrugged, "whatever. Anyway know that I know you're okay I'm leaving... Also I'm gonna send you the fucking vocals. You're gonna have to replace Finn singing because he isn't coming back. You got a good voice, you DO sing right?"

  Kylo blinked at her in open confusion, "what?" He had been so convinced that she would hate him. That TR8TR would hate him too and yet here she was, asking him to sing? "I mean... yes? Sort of. I'm not vocally trained, but maybe?" His confusion was still in his voice but Phasma ignored it.

  "Sweet. Way to take one for the team," she punched him on the shoulder and then stood up. She stretched and yawned. "Anyway it's time for me to go. I am fucking exhausted after all that bullshit you guys pulled...." She strode towards the door with Hux trailing behind her like a proper host, ensuring she was sent off politely.

  Once the door closed and they were alone again Kylo waved belatedly at the door to day goodbye to Phasma and Hux almost burst out laughing at the absurdity of the pathetic gesture. Kylo Ren was an intriguing person. "You're the most socially clueless person I have ever met...anyway I have to go do homework," Hux said and he disappeared into his room, scooping up Millicent on his way and shutting her inside with him.

  Kylo Ren sat on the couch contemplating the night, and it's outcome. But most of all contemplating that kiss. Hux had recoiled but it had been in surprise and not in disgust. He found himself realizing a lot of his annoyance towards the ginger might have been misplaced energy. Perhaps his aggravation had merely been at the coldness which Hux always seemed to offer, always plastered on his face. He grinned to himself spite that it hurt his bruised and cut lips terribly, tonight he had cracked the ice and flustered the poker faced king. And not just that. Despite his outburst it seemed he still had a friend in Phasma, and a band to play in. This had been the best, worst day he had experienced in ages!

 


	5. Tactic 2

Kylo Ren was shivering even as sweat beaded on his brow, tickled down his face and plastered his dark curly hair against his forehead and the back of his neck in ringlets. But this was progress. He swallowed heavily at the feeling of cold metal in his hands and the only security he found was in the noise dampening ear muffs that pressed against his head and the feeling of Hux's finger tips against the back of his loose sleeve-less shirt. He was shaking and bile rose in the back of his throat and Kylo Ren thought he might throw up but he squeezed the trigger anyway. The cold thing in his hands came to life and kicked back as a bullet ejected from the muzzle. It barely grazed the edge of the target and Kylo was panting like he had run a marathon. This was still progress, he hadn't thrown up or been lost in the horrible nightmare of memories from his childhood.   
  
  Hux lifted one of the covers from his ears, "good Kylo... but maybe you should take a break." They had only been here about 15 minutes. He sounded worried, Kylo was just glad they were speaking again. The days following after their rather awkward and abrupt kiss Hux had been stiffer then usual and notably avoiding all unnecessary contact with him. Kylo had been a little worried that he'd ruined the friendship finally blossoming between them with his spontaneity. He had sworn he'd read the look in Hux's eyes right... Apparently he had just been paranoid because they seemed fine now.  
  
  "No. Again," Kylo hated how hoarse his voice was and he cleared his throat in an attempt to regain himself. He took the shooting stance again and his dark eyes stared at the target in determination. This had been Huxs' idea. Kylo still hadn't told him the origins of his problem but the ginger seemed to want to help him in the one thing he knew. Psychologists might have failed him but this was an entirely new tactic and Kylo Ren was sick of feeling weak. Of feeling controlled by the shadowy demons in his past so the young, dark eyed man had taken him up on the offer.   
  
  "No. You're not going to hit the mark like this," Hux insisted as he slipped closer into the booth. The fingers against his back turned into the whole hand pressed against him as he he reached out to try and lower Kylo's gun with the other but was met with resistance.  
  
 "That's not the point though," Kylo almost snarled as he jerked his hand and the gun away and bumped into the divider wall, now pressed against it as Hux imposed upon him. Hux was shorter then Kylo by about an inch but the aura of his commanding presence always made him seem taller and bigger then he really was.  
  
  A severe look crossed the pale face and flashed in the hazel eyes. They looked green today, bright green. They always seemed to turn to emeralds when the ginger was frustrated, "it IS the point." He insisted. Hux curled his lips into something between a grimace and a snarl as he grabbed Kylo's wrist and crowded closer to grab the gun away. He was annoyed, borderline disgusted. Kylo wasn't sure if that was directed at his weakness or the gross state of his hygiene and the closeness of their bodies. "The point IS control. The point IS hitting the target. I don't know why you're so scared of guns but you can control it like you control them."  
  
  The fight seemed to leave Kylo then and he slumped slightly so Hux finally disarmed him. As soon as the gun was out of sight Kylo startled to feel a little better. A little less ill, "that was good though...right?" Kylo asked weakly. The day before he had experienced a full blown break down at the sight of a rifle. Hux had a lot of guns, he seemed to have endless knowledge about them all as well and Kylo had learned his origins in a military family. It certainly explained a lot. Together they had gone through a collection of weapons until Kylo found something he could tolerate. It had been a very distressing experience but he had learned hand guns were better. They still made him feel sick, they still made him think of his father, his mother and dredged up the agonies of his childhood but at least he could hold them. Fire them.  
  
  Hux nodded, "it was."   
  
  "Liar," Kylo snorted but he was smiling shakily. He was too relieved that the gun was out of sight again to care. Hux shrugged noncommittally at the accusation before removing his own ear protection headphones from around his neck and moved to leave. Kylo did the same and followed after him like Hux knew he would. This was a frightening place for someone like Kylo but the day felt like a victory even though his limbs were jello and a headache had began throbbed between his eyes. Even though they had barely been here for 15 minutes. "Why are you helping me anyway?"  
  
  "Because I want to," it was such a dull answer.   
  
  "Right..." Kylo had really been hoping for a more in depth response but was not surprised to get such a flat and uninformative one. Hux was not easily forthcoming with anything. One always had to press and the dark haired young man wished he could read minds. Then he would know what Hux really thought of their kiss a few days ago despite the absolute refusal to talk about it and about why Hux was trying so hard to help with this problem. Tension had risen between them since then but neither of them mentioned it, letting it fester instead. They stepped out into the afternoon sun together and the bright warmth of the autumn day felt like an affront to the negativity and anxiety that clawed within him. Even though they were talking again Hux had seemed colder and more impassive then ever and yet Kylo kept catching those eyes upon him and he couldn't sort out what to think about it. "I need a drink after that. Wanna grab something?" It took everything in his willpower not to reach out and grab Hux's shoulder for support.  
  
  Hux frowned at the invitation, "no... thank you. I've spent quite enough time doing things other then homework."  
  
  "Come on. There's a party tonight upstairs. It's a Friday night. Live a little for once," Kylo shoved at Hux's arm in an effort to lighten the mood. He was still trying to distract himself from the gun and shooting. Kylo also though he might be able to get his stiff ginger haired roommate to lighten up a little if he could get him drunk. Maybe then he could learn where they stood with each other.   
  
  "Some of us have actual desire for success in life and value our grades," Hux said cooly.   
  
  Undaunted Kylo pressed, "really? One night is going to smear your perfect grades? What the fuck is the point in living on the dorm if you don't enjoy the freedom."  Kylo had gasped in excitement the first time he had seen it. A beautiful brand new black BMW M4 Convertible with everything expensive a new age vehicle could come with added onto it. It was still exciting to sit in the passengers seat with the ceiling down. Kylo was sure it always would be. When they hit the road it was refreshing to feel the wind snapping through his hair turning the curls into writhing angry snakes that snapped at his speckled skin.  
  
  Hux sighed. Kylo Ren had said the magic word, "fine."  
  
  "Ya, ya, you're too fuc--sorry? Did you just say fine?" Kylo was waving his hand dismissively when he realized Hux had agreed. His back straightened against the custom fancy red leather seats and his dark eyes went wide.  
  
  Hux's lips twitched and threatened to turn into a smirk of amusement but he controlled the expression into a neutral one before it did, "yes. I said fine. But if I do then you never bug me to go to a party again."  
  
  "Deal!" Kylo Ren agreed all too quickly. He wouldn't bug, that didn't mean he couldn't ask. Hux rose a suspicious eyebrow and seemed to suspect that Kylo Ren had found a loophole but he said nothing more. "Why do you always do that, by the way?" Kylo asked,  
  
  "Do what?" Hux said.   
  
  "You start to smile but then don't," Kylo had noticed him do it quite a few times. Not just for smiling. His dark eyes stared hard at Hux and he saw the same phenomena occurring on the pale, severe face. Something near surprise and discomfort started to form upon his features but then smoothed over and became that uncaring mask again.  
  
  "I don't know what you mean," Hux had taken just long enough to answer that Kylo knew no one had called him out on it before. It clearly made him uncomfortable and Kylo Ren couldn't help but wonder why. They spent the rest of the drive back to the dorm in silence and simply watched the scenery slide by. It was a nice drive to the gun range and it helped ease the shakes that still plagued Kylo. Autumn was upon them with the beginning of October, it was just starting to get cooler and the trees were beautiful. The myriad of coloured leaves ignited the roadside like a wildfire, squirrels and birds chattered loudly in the branches and across the grass as they scavenged for food and prepared for winter. Tthe way it dragged on and on for most of the ride was monotonous enough to be soothing. Kylo Ren made a beeline for the bathroom when they returned and appropriated it for a shower.  
  


  
\----

Kylo Ren could hardly believe he had actually found victory and gotten Hux to the party. He had thought it was a 'dorm' party but it turned out to be the whole floor. Almost every door was open and people milled about in rooms or hallways depending on what they wanted. Kylo and Hux were loitering in a room with someone from the school gym, the very person who had invited Kylo to the party in the first place, "I'm really excited you decided to come!" Mikata said over the music as he shoved food at them. He had been trying to feed them all night, which was a contrast to Phasma who had also joined them and was trying to pour drinks down everyones throat.

  The room was an exact copy of the one Hux and Kylo shared, which was a replica of every single other room on this side of the dorm. Music played from a stereo that had been set up in the hallway. It would a miracle if one of the other floors, or one of the non-participating rooms didn't report the whole floor for a music complaint after this. "Of course I'd come!" Kylo had never been to a party before. Or at least, he had never been to a proper party since he could remember. The fact that he was at one now with the new friends he had made since the semester began was exhilarating. Although he was very glad Mikata's room contained only the people he was familiar with. Since the gun range earlier Kylo had been feeling off and unable to shake the feeling.

  "Have another drink," Phasma said as she tried to shove a shot in Hux's general direction. The beautiful, tall, amazonian looking woman was working together with Kylo. He had told her all about the encounter before her arrival and the 2 friends were plotting against the oblivious ginger who made a sour face at the nearly overflowing shot.

  "I'm fine. I still have this," Hux brandished the beer he had been sipping since they arrived. So far the ginger had been resilient to their peer pressure.

  "Pfft, that shit is probably warm by now. Have a real drink," Phasma insisted and poked the shot at Hux a little closer.  
   
  "I'll do one if you do one," Kylo piped in when he saw Hux continue to resist.

  "No," Hux insisted and he took a swig of his beer to make a point. All those present laughed when they saw the undisguised grossed out look at the taste of the very warm beer.

  "Whatever. Guess he's just too pussy to Kylo. 'Fraid he's going to lose to you," Mikata had no idea about the plan between Kylo and Phasma and unwittingly he contributed to it anyway. He simply wanted everyone to have fun and the sour, scowling ginger was not doing so.

  Hux looked a little undignified at the casual dismissal, "hey. That's not it! I just don't want too --"

 "Excuses, excuses. Want a shot anyway, Kylo?" Phasma interrupted Hux and didn't wait for an answer before she poured the second one and slid it over to Kylo. He caught it right before it was about to fall off the table into his lap, "whoops."

  "Careful. Jeez. But sure. I guess I gotta have fun for two," Kylo rolled his eyes.

  "Fine. Fine I'll do the shot," Hux grumbled. Surely one shot wouldn't be the end of him, and the light of victory sparkled in the eyes of the friends. Phasma hastily poured one for everyone, may as well get them all drunk! It was a party after all. On her count of 3 they all did it together. Frowning Hux looked suspiciously at the shot glass, "what is this? It's good."

  "Porn star," Phasma said even as she poured everyone another one without asking.

  "They're my favourite," Kylo said without hesitating. The truth was, he had not really done a lot of drinking because of his upbringing. He had just decided in that moment and he licked his lips at the taste. It was hard to tell there was alcohol in at all, like drinking liquid candy.

  Phasma grinned wolfishly, "of course they are."

  "Fuck off," Kylo wasn't sure what connotations were hiding behind those glinting eyes but they all (except Hux) laughed.  
   
  "Hey. I said one," Hux protested when he realized Phasma had handed him another.

  "No you didn't. You just said sure," she pointed out. Hux rolled his eyes but seemed resigned to join them for the shots by this point and left his warm half full beer on the table abandoned and knocked it back with the rest of them. People came and went, joining them for drinks and idle chatter. Most people complained about classes and teachers, the coming winter weather and projects they were neglecting to be partying. Many jokes were made about how the neglect would continue because of the hang over they'd all no doubt be sharing the next day and the music kept getting turned up louder and louder as everyone became more and more drunk.

  Phasma convinced Kylo to sing a few songs that came on the radio when he admitted knowing the words to most pop music despite loathing it. He would be taking over for Finn as vocals while still playing guitar and she wanted to ensure Kylo was actually good. If he sucked she could start harassing people to be his replacement but he turned out pretty good. Even being drunk he managed to hold a tone and his deep voice was unique but pleasant. It was interesting to see that when Kylo Ren was not being a broody introvert he seemed attract and inspire attention without meaning too.

  Phasma watched him, wondering what had caused him to become so quiet, withdrawn and temperamental. When released from his anxieties he seemed to burn brightly as a person and flourished in the crowds and fun of the party in unexpected ways. "So," Phasma addressed Hux whom was sitting beside her. They had dragged doors into the entry way of Mikata's (who had comically already passed out and was snoring and drooling on the couch) dorm entryway to watch Kylo singing and dancing a drunken duet with a random stranger.

  "Hmm?" Hux was back to beer and there was a bright red flush across his cheeks indicating how drunk he was. Despite that he had remained the same amount of stoic and observational. If anything he seemed even more contained and quiet and lost in his own thoughts. A near frown had begun tugging at the sides of his lips and he was way too young for the worry lines which crinkled every so slightly at the edges of his eyes.

  "Kylo told me what happened a few nights ago." Hux visible tensed and his grip on the beer bottle tightened for just a moment before he seemed to force himself to relax.

 "So?" He was trying very, very hard to brush it all off.

  "Well?" Phasma pressed.

 "I don't want to talk about it," Hux stared determinedly at Kylo as he tripped over nothing and somehow managed to keep singing, even as he giggled.

 "No? For a guy that supposedly JUMPED BACK you've sure been eyeballing him a whole bunch," Phasma was not letting him get out of it. She swore she saw his blush deepen but it was hard to tell when he was already so flushed from drinking.

 "Am not," Hux knew he had answered that far too quickly and dropped his face into the palm of his hand and grit his teeth. He was clearly trying to master his brain through the murk of intoxication, fighting some inner war. He was unable to keep the conflict from his face in that moment with his guard and inhibitions so low. "I haven't. Been staring."

  Phasma 'pffted' him and took a sip of the beer, "dude. Just go for it. Kylo totally likes you... Although I don't know what he sees in a douche like you." She was grinning and Hux was about to snap at her but realized he was being teased in good nature and almost instantly deflated. He rubbed his eyes determinedly and then looked back at Kylo... Then back to Phasma with such quickness it was clear he was resisting the desire to keep staring and watching.

 "It's not even like that... I don't -- You can't possibly understand," Hux had never felt so inadequately unable to express himself and he huffed and vowed never to drink again.

  "What's there to get? You like someone, you get them. I'm surprised. You seemed like a man of action to me. I guess you're just a coward," Phasma took a big gulp of her drink and went back to watching Kylo making a silly fun fool out of himself while somehow not being completely embarrassing. Still she watched Hux in her peripherals.

  "I am not!" Hux was completely falling for her trap. He looked so comically enraged by the accusation she grinned widely and yet still he didn't move.

  "You just keep sitting here and telling yourself that." The sound of the chair legs scraping were the heralding trumpets of her victory and she grinned even more widely as she watched Hux stride out into the hallway. He was trying his best to do that long legged power walk he did when he meant business but it came off a little comical because he was fairly drunk. Too drunk to even care how many people were around.

  "Hey Hux! You coming to sin -- " Kylo was cut off when Hux reached him, grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him. Hux tasted like cheap beer and pornstars and the dark haired Kylo Ren sunk into a seated position in shock. Several people stared with raised eyebrows and shocked expressions at the display.

  "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY," someone from a room down the hall called out,  hands clasped over their mouth to ensure the obnoxiousness was heard over the music. Hux rose his middle finger in the general direction of the immature asshole who felt the need to be a douche as he broke the kiss.

  "It's 1am. I'm going home," Hux said. His heart was pounding in his chest and the world felt unsteady as a ship on choppy water. He was vaguely aware he would likely regret ALL of what had just transpired in the morning. Instead of letting himself dwell on that though he glanced over to Phasma who was sitting straight and tall with a triumphant grin plastered on her face, "and I'm NOT a coward." He started marching away, doing his absolute best to look as dignified as possible.  
   
  "W-wha!?" Kylo was more red then a boiling lobster and he dashed after Hux. "You can't just do that and then walk away!"

  "You're welcome!" Phasma yelled down the hallway as she wanted the boys beat a hasty retreat to their shared room and the party resumed as if nothing had just transpired.

 

  Hux fumbled with his key fob at the door to their dorm which allowed for Kylo to catch up to him. He already had his keys in his hand, "Hux. Hux, what the hell was that?" Kylo's eyes were pleading that they talk. He had been so paranoid for the last few days, so unsure and he was terrified of the idea of getting his hopes up. "Is it just because you're drunk?"

 "Probably," Hux was hyper focused on his keys and trying to get them to work and somehow he still managed to drop them. Then he realized what he'd said exactly and how terrible it had sounded, "no. No that's not what I mean. Don't look at me like that." Kylo had that kicked puppy, betrayed look and he had flinched away.

  "What the fuck does it mean then!" He was yelling and Hux shushed him desperately. He was going to wake people up.

  "I mean I PROBABLY did it because I was drunk. I NEVER would have done if I wasn't but that doesn't mean... It doesn't mean I didn't mean to do it," Hux had never felt more lame or unable to express himself articulately but Kylo seemed to have gotten the point and his hurt look slowly melted away as the actual meaning dawned on him. Hux was about to bend down to grab the keys he had dropped by Kylo Ren would not allow it. He practically leaped upon Hux, slamming his back heavily against the door frame to kiss him. In his drunken excitement their teeth cracked together painfully and they both exclaimed.

 Kylo started laughing while Hux rubbed his face, "jesus christ Kylo. You coulda broken my tooth." He stooped for the keys and grabbed them off the floor. Finally the two managed to make it inside the dorm. It was good timing because someone down one of the hallways was hissing at them to quiet down as they slipped past the threshold into the dark interior of their private little corner of the University.

  The door had barely closed behind them when Kylo made another advance upon Hux and this time they didn't hurt each other. Hux found himself tripping and falling into the couch and Kylo was upon him and this time the ginger didn't recoil or curse or stop him. Instead they both vied for dominance in a war of drunk kisses and tangled limbs until the couple was overcome by the exhaustion of their buzz wearing off and slowly fell asleep in each others arms on the couch.


	6. What is love?

  Everything hurt. His head, his muscles, his whole self. He felt sick too and the groan that escaped Hux's lips as he slowly came back to consciousness was one of immediate regret as the hangover settled over him like a dark cloud. He scrunched his eyes shut as he tried to recollect his memories of the night at the party and tried to figure out what the heavy pressing weight was atop him. And why was he on the floor? Even as he asked himself that, Hux remembered everything and his eyes shot open. The weight atop him was Kylo Ren. His dark haired roommate's head was resting on his shoulder, nestled into the crook of his neck and his body was draped entirely across Hux. Dark curls had fallen into Kylo's face and the peaceful, quiet look on the normally broody young man made him look incredibly boyish and innocent. Kylo's hands were draped on either side of Hux, tucked into his arm pits in a cuddling embrace and the rest of him was between Hux's legs, immobilizing the ginger completely. Millicent was sitting on top of Kylo's back, curled up and sleeping and part of their pile of limbs.   
  
  Hux felt his face heat up and he groaned again, rubbing his eyes and running his fingers through hair which was wildly out of place from Kylo's fingers raking through it the night before. The memory made his aching body hot and he groaned again hiding his face in his hands as he tried to figure out what insanity had overcome him. He had kissed Kylo. Not just that but he had done it in front of at least 50 people, in the middle of a party and then they had fled back to their dorm room together. The rumours would be flying! "I'm never drinking again," Hux moaned softly to himself.  
  
  He wanted to take it back, to take it all back. This complicated things so much and yet the twisting in his stomach and the fluttering in his heart was from more then the hangover and he could not deny that something had awoken in him. Watching Kylo sing and dance. Ever since that first taste of his roommates lips, blood and all, he had not been able to get Kylo out of his mind. Perhaps it had even been before that? Hux had found Kylo infuriating like no one else, but had that really been it? Hux cursed himself, this was a weak feeling. This affection was something he wanted nothing to do with. Affection and love lead to pain and confusion and he could afford neither of these things. Maybe coming to school away from his family had been an awful idea. Maybe he should have stayed in the military and then this would have never happened.  
  
  When he dropped his hands and arms off his face, letting them fall above his head as he lamented the inescapable emotional situation he had gotten himself into he realized brown eyes were staring up at him through dark hair. "You look like hell," Kylo's voice was hoarse from all the scream singing. His eyes had shadows under them and they had a dull glassiness which suggested the other man suffered as much as he did.  
  
 "Speak for yourself," Hux snapped, still feeling peevish over his weakness. He was sure he did look like hell. He didn't even want to go near a mirror.  
  
  Kylo grinned and was completely undaunted by his peevish roommate, "back to being a douche I see?"   
  
  Hux snorted and didn't even bother with a response. Instead he shoved Kylo off of him. Millicent meowed in protest and leaped from Kylo's back as he flopped over (surprisingly) without argument. "What time is it?" Hux asked as he stood up just a little too fast and the hangover vertigo caused him to sway slightly. His bones cracked in protest and his back ached from sleeping on it on the floor. He knew they had started on the couch but they must have slipped off at some point and he wasn't sure which would have been better. He wandered to the kitchen to feed the cat who was begging around his feet as Kylo slowly dragged himself off the floor where he had been spilled and checked his phone.  
  
  "12:30," Kylo said. He had a bunch of messages from Phasma which he ignored for the moment. He was sure they were all a combination of lecherous and gloating and Kylo knew he had his female friend to thank for what had occurred. Kylo resolved to ask her how she had managed to get Hux to make such a bold move but for now he was too busy watching the ginger to read the messages.   
  
 The look of absolute horror on Hux's face was priceless. "Pardon me?"   
  
  "12:30...well, 12:31 now," Kylo said with immense enjoyment. Millicent mewled loudly at Hux who was standing there holding the opened can of soft food and not serving her. She dug her claws into the leg of her own needily.  
  
 "Ow... Calm down, it's coming," Hux nudged her off his leg in surprise and finally leaned down to dump the canned contents out for her. No wonder the cat was so insistent. He ran his fingers through red hair as he sighed in a stressed manner, "what did I let you talk me into?"   
  
  "Doing something fun for once in your life?"   
  
  Ignoring Kylo Ren completely Hux went on, "I've never slept in this late in my life. I didn't do any of my homework yesterday because of our outings. I feel like hell. How am I supposed to get anything done at all? What a waste of a day." It almost seemed like he was talking to Millicent but also to himself and Kylo wondered if he talked to the cat on a regular basis when he was gone. The thought was oddly endearing and amusing when one considered the normally proper behaviour of is room mate.  
  
  "Calm down, man... Wanna get breakfast?" Kylo stretched and yawned and tried to run his fingers through the absolute disaster his hair had become but it was hopeless. He would need a brush to untangle the monstrosity atop his head.  
  
  "Did you hear ANY of what I said?! I have to get to work!"  
  
  Kylo nodded solemnly, "I did. I also heard you say you couldn't focus and nothing cures a hang over like a greasy burger and a black coffee!" Or so he'd heard. Kylo had never had a hangover before. It was unpleasant and he hated it, but he liked that he had experienced it. In the live in facility he had not been able to do anything normal, only imagine what it would be like to do those things so even the unpleasant experiences were pleasant in their own way.  
  
  Hux heaved a great sigh. His stomach felt queasy and the advice seemed dubious but the ginger was appealed by a coffee, "fine. But afterwards we're coming right back."   
  
  "Sure... I'm gonna shower," Kylo disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
    
  
  It was convenient that the University had it's own mini food court style cafeteria which was separated into different food types and scattered in sections throughout different wings. Hux and Kylo were both hungover enough it was hard to imagine leaving the grounds in search of food. Hux was doing all he could to seem unaffected. Showered and dressed he had his back straight, his eyes forward and his stride as steady as he could manage. Inside all he wanted to do was wilt over and drag his feet like the zombie he felt like. In contrast to Hux, Kylo was doing exactly that. His shoulders were pinched together in a back stooping slouch and he swayed slightly with every step as if he were still drunk. Which would not be surprising as Kylo had consumed as much as Phasma and Hux had together. It was a testament to the dark haired boys tenacity that he hadn't thrown up.   
  
  The school was bustling around them despite the lack of classes. Many students needed to use the facilities available in the many different wings to complete homework and projects and those that didn't were milling about socializing or making their way to the cafeteria as well. The florescent lights made the hallways just bright enough to painful to someone with a hangover so it was easy to spot the squinty dark shadowed eyes of fellow sufferers as the boys made their way through the red, white and black painted halls of the school.  It was always freakishly clean despite that none of the students seemed to make any effort to keep it that way and Hux was fairly sure he had never seen a janitor.   
  
  "What are you getting?" Kylo's words brought Hux out of his random thought train just on time to keep him from running directly into Kylo's back as he stopped inside the cafeteria. Hux knew he must be more hungover then he thought because he hadn't even noticed their arrival here yet.  
  
  "Just coffee," Hux really didn't trust the way his stomach was squirming to contain food, much less greasy food.  
  
  "Suit yourself," Kylo said and he stepped up to the counter to order himself a burger and fries. "What do you take in your coffee?"  
  
  "Just black... wait, you don't have to get mine."   
  
  "Too late," Kylo handed Hux his coffee and then slid down the row so the next person could order while he waited for his food. Hux's brow knit in confusion. He knew Kylo had no job. He knew Kylo had little more then what the government had given him. Hux had plenty. His whole tuition was paid by his father and he received substantial monthly allowances. "You could say thank you," Kylo suggested when he noticed the absolute confusion on Hux's face.  
  
  "Oh. Thank you," Hux felt his face go red. He hated the way Kylo always did such illogical and impractical things! It confounded and confused him immensely. He hated how often he seemed to lose his composure and get caught doing so around Kylo too and he blamed his time away from the rigid life he was accustomed to for his sudden failings. Hux took a sip of the hot beverage to give him a moment to smooth over the annoyance which no doubt creased his brow.  
  
  Kylo Ren was too busy taking his burger and fries from the serving lady to notice the discrepancy though. "Smells so good," he said enthusiastically as he started heading towards the tables.  
  
    "Smells like I want to vomit," Hux muttered under his breath and just then a large man shouldered into the distracted ginger as he nursed his coffee. Hux yelped in surprise and then hissed in pain as the liquid sloshed out of the open lip of the cup onto his shirt and hand. He glanced around to find the culprit and came face to face with a rather tall and well built severe looking man in a wife beater.  
  
  "Watch where you're goin you fuckin' fag," snapped the monster of a man as Hux was scrambling to get a napkin from Kylo's tray and wipe the scalding coffee off his hands while balancing the cup in the crook of his arm. He snapped a glare at the insult and when he focused fully on the angry looking weight lifters face he realized he recognized it from the night before. This made his face heat up with anger at the insult. He wanted to lash out verbally in response but Hux wasn't stupid. This man was twice his size (and Hux wasn't small by any means) and Hux was still wobbly and sick with hangover.   
  
  It was decidedly wiser to ignore the encounter completely and so Hux turned back to Kylo intent on continuing to a table to share their meal together as they had planned. Hux could plot his revenge for another more tactful time. He had barely started walking again when he noticed Kylo Ren had turned around to face the insulter and the look in his eyes was one of pure anger. "What the fuck did you say?" Kylo snapped. Hux groaned and dropped his  face into his palm.  
  
  The big man grinned when he saw his bait had been taken, "I said fags should watch where they're goin." As he said it the big man reached forward and slapped the tray Kylo was holding with enough force to knock it free. Hux had to jump away to avoid being covered in burger and coffee as it exploded onto the floor.  
  
  The tray had barely hit the ground when Kylo Ren launched himself from where he'd been standing into a forward lunging punch. The attack was so sudden it caught his opponent off guard and Kylo's knuckles collided with the monstrous mans face. Although Kylo was taller and broader then Hux and made a much better match. "Kylo stop!" Hux still doubted Kylo could win in this fight, that aside they would not escape this incident without considerable trouble from the school. He grabbed at the back of Kylo's shirt in a desperate attempt to stop the attack but was too late.  
  
  The forward momentum of the punch sent the Dudebro reeling backwards in surprise at the viciousness. Kylo took advantage and followed up with a kick that sprawled him to the floor and Hux raised both his eyebrows in surprise at the power and precious behind the blows. "I dare you. Talk shit again," Kylo growled as he stood over the man looking imposing and radiating a darkness that Hux had not noticed before. It took him off guard.   
  
  The Dudebro sat up and his face was split where Kylo had hit him, "fuck you!" He kicked out and swept Kylo's feet out from under him and there was an awful crack as his head hit the ground. The massive man was at top Kylo in seconds 2 punchs had hit his face before Kylo recovered enough sense to cover himself with his arms. Hux finally reacted, ashamed with his belated response and he kicked the assailant right in the face. It gave Kylo an opportunity to shove the bulky man off and wiggle free. He staggered, slipping over spilled coffee and food and blood flowed from his nose which was bent at a slightly off angle and his eyes were already blackening.   
  
  Despite that Kylo Ren got back to his feet and stood his ground as the bigger man recovered. It was difficult being bigger then Kylo Ren who was just over 6'2" but this freak of nature managed it. Despite that, he was alone and it was clear Hux was not going to standby and watch the fight. The Dudebro spat a gout of blood and a tooth onto the floor, "you'll regret that!" He stormed away.  
  
  As soon as he was gone Hux yelled, "Kylo, what the fuck!? You should have just left it. It was just --- "  
  
  "No! No I shouldn't have. You can't let people walk all over you! Or they will forever," his eyes were watering from the pain of his clearly broken nose and his brown eyes were full of myriad of emotions.   
   
  "It was just stupid, it wasn't a big deal," Hux insisted. He really need to have a discussion with Kylo about tactful planning but the temperamental rage in the others eyes had been a wildfire of chaos. There was so much more to the dark eyed, dark haired young man then Hux had ever thought and the more glimpse he got the more he wanted to see. He wasn't just satisfied with the journals anymore, which he decided barely scratched the surface of his person. Kylo was a paradox who wore his emotions on his sleeves and yet continued to be an enigma, unlike anyone else he had met.  
  
  "No! It wasn't stupid. I won't let anyone insult my friends or my boyfrr -- " He cut himself off at the end. Not quite sure what he really WAS to Hux and the expression on Hux's face suggested the same. They might have kissed, might have made out and started to spend together but did that really mean they were a couple.  
  
  "Let's go to the Nurses office," Hux decided to change the subject to save them both the awkward moment.   
  
 "I'm fine," Kylo said but he was starting to shake as the adrenaline wore off and his eyes were only getting blacker.   
  
  "You're not fine. Your nose is broken," Hux responded flatly and grabbed Kylo Ren by the arm to hug him away from the spilled food towards the schools Medical facilities. He was fairly sure they'd ultimately be directed to the emergency room but he wasn't worried about that. Hux was more worried about repercussions of the brawl and the fact that they had been targeted specifically for their behaviors at the party the night before. Hux and Kylo Ren had been so caught up in the moment that neither of them had even considered the possibility of a homophobic reaction from students in the school. It was troubling.   
  
    
  Hux had been right about having to go to the hospital. Kylo needed x-rays and probably pain medication and the bone to be reset so the ginger and taken him to the hospital. He was now waiting for his dark haired companion to come back from the x-ray in the waiting room. He was looking through a magazine but he didn't actually see the pages or the articles. He was still musing over Kylo's near slip-up earlier in almost calling him his boyfriend.  
  
  Where they boyfriends? Hux didn't necessarily think one make out session after a party merited that title but it was obvious the dark haired young man desired him and Hux was unable to deny the feeling was becoming mutual. More then that, Hux wasn't so sure his reasons for helping Kylo Ren with his PTSD were entirely logical anymore. He felt genuine pain and worry watching him suffer at the gun range. He chewed on his lower lip in an old habit he'd thought his father had beaten out of him years ago as he considered it. Kylo Ren was more then a room mate. He was fascinating and handsome, frustrating and impossible NOT to think about.   
  
 "I want to die," Kylo Ren's voice startled him and he jumped slightly and looked up from the paper. The poor young man looked absolutely haggard. Now he was hung over and hurting. His nose wasn't crooked anymore which lead Hux to believe it had been set. He didn't even want to think about how much that must have hurt.  
  
  Hux smirked, "don't be a baby."  
  
 "Even thinking about moving my face hurts," Kylo whined as he touched tenderly at his slightly blackened eyes. He looked absolutely miserable.   
  
  "Can we go home now?" Hux asked, ignoring the complains.  
  
  "Ya... I just gotta get my prescriptions but that's about all that's left," he sounded so sluggish and pitful. Hux decided he didn't like this version of Kylo Ren. He preferred every other aspect of the man which was lively and bright even when he was dark and malicious.   
  
  "Alright. We'll get your medication... want to get junk food and wallow in your misery while watching movies with me?" Almost the entire day had slipped away now. They were not going to get anything constructive done at this point.Hux felt exceedingly lame as he asked the question but was rewarded with the widened of those expressive dark eyes.  
  
 "But you've got homework and stuff don't you? Why would you just sit around with me?" Kylo Ren had never heard Hux willingly put off his work, especially since Kylo already suckered him into doing so for a night and the better part of a day because of the party and the brawl that followed afterwards.   
  
  Hux shrugged, "isn't that what boyfriends do?" He knew exactly how to cheer Kylo up. The concept honestly made him uncomfortable but he couldn't see any logical reason to deny Kylo Ren what he obviously desired. Hux didn't care about anyone else at the school and Kylo (and maybe Phasma) were his only friends at all. He may as well keep them close and keep Kylo in a good mood. He was much more tolerable to be around when he was happy.  
  
  Kylo Ren's eyes were the brightest dark brown eyes that Hux had ever seen and he watched as the gloom seemed to vanish for a moment from the battered face of his room mate. It made the lame line worth it as a smile spread across the split lip which had been medical glued closed. "Fuck! Smiling hurts," Kylo cursed but despite the pain he couldn't keep the grin off of his face.


	7. The Perfect Strike

Kylo Ren stared at the calendar on the fridge blankly after he finished crossing out the days to the present one. He had forgotten to do it until now and was surprised to see how much time had passed since Hux had officially declared them as dating. He was disturbed to realize that they hadn't had a date in the weeks following and was annoyed to register they'd barely shared a single intimate moment since. At first his broken nose had been rather impeding of anything romantic but there was no excuse now and he wondered if they might have a date sometime soon. Their first official date.  
  
  "Get the pen out of your mouth Kylo. You don't know where it's been," Hux's annoyed voice called from the table where he had splayed their homework. They had been working on essays together but Kylo was feeling too fidgety to sit still and had gotten next to nothing done.  
  
  "Sure I do," Kylo said absently as he tried to figure out what  they might do for their date.  
  
  "No you don't," Hux insisted. "Now come sit. You've barely done anything and your fidgeting is driving me insane."  
  
  "Sure I do. It's been in my mouth, my pocket and my pencil case," he tossed the pen on the table and it bounced across onto Hux's papers. He looked absolutely horrified at the mangled, chewed end it displayed and the sheen of saliva that threatened to stain his paper. He used his pen to carefully flick it off his things and onto Kylo's.   
  
  "Just sit and work," Hux's tone was stressed and exasperated. They were coming up on midterms, creeping up on Christmas and the ginger had become increasingly more irritable and stressed which was ridiculous because Hux was pretty damn near top of the classes in everything.   
  
  "We should go on a date," Kylo said without budging from the calendar.  
   
  "What?" Hux asked.  
  
  "A date. We should go on one. We haven't..."  
  
  "In the middle of exams and midterms and start of the holiday season? No," Kylo flinched a little at how quickly he was turned down and let his lower lip jut out ever so slightly into a pout at how hastily Hux had responded. Seeing the reaction Hux sighed enormously, "fine. But only if you sit down and work without fidgeting!" Kylo Ren almost threw himself into the chair in his delight. The legs squealed on the tiled floors gratingly and made them both flinch, he scooped up his mangled pen.  
  


\------

 

  "I have to drive," Hux protested as Kylo handed him a beer and kept one for himself.  
  
  "And you can have one beer. We're playing a few games. It'll be fine," Kylo grabbed the ginger by the wrist and dragged him down the steps to the bowling alley. He had chosen Galaxy Bowling for their date night. Stars and planets danced across the alleys in a simplistic light show and the whole side was buzzing softly with the purplish black light. A false solar system hung from the ceiling above them with softly glowing fairy lights wrapped around the divider between the lanes and tables. Ridiculous techno-scifi-esque music played endlessly over the speakers which jutted out of the walls all around them. A spaceship decorated the backdrop where the pins were arranged. It was a massive grey, arrowhead shaped vessel with layers of upper decks rising out the top. A bunch of tiny little ships swarmed around it, little circular things with massive panels on the side that seemed almost insect-like in the way they clustered together.  
  
  Hux sipped the foam off the top of the drink despite his objections as Kylo wandered on the floor to punch in their names, "you're not supposed to bring your drinks own there." The sign was right in front of their faces.  
  
  Kylo glanced back at Hux with an exasperated expression. It was amusing to see the red-heads lips tighten in annoyance and then he stepped over the threshold with his drink. Took two steps, shook his head and then walked back to leave his drink on the counter on the correct side of the barrier. Kylo Ren rolled his eyes but was smirking lopsidedly in amusement. "Do you EVER do anything that is against the rules? Live a little Hux," he teased.

 

  "Rules are important Kylo. Without them we'd have chaos and nothing would get done. They are in place for a reason -- also you DO realize we're the only adults on this section of the alley, right?" Hux responded cooly as he kicked off his winter boots and tucked them under their chairs so he could begin putting on his bowling shoes. They were ugly, used things and the way he crinkled his nose suggested to Kylo that Hux felt he was doing some great favour by even considering wearing shoes that had been on foot other than his.

 

  Kylo glanced around them. The bowling alley for this section was inhabited only be younger teenagers and families with very small children. Kylo Ren shrugged, "so? It's cool." He had never had a chance to enjoy something like Galactic Bowling living on the grounds of a mental assistance facility and it was thrilled to be there, even if Hux was being sour.

 

  Their names flickered onto the display screen showing the empty game score card as Kylo finished programming them in. Hux rose his eyes, "what the hell Kylo? Can't you just enter names like a normal person?" The screen read '#1' for Kylo and for Hux he had decided to taunt his ginger haired boyfriend by naming him 'Order'. Kylo laughed in amusement at his own joke before starting the game.

 

  Going to bowling had seemed like a great idea initially. Galactic style had seemed even better, it was casual and easy and left plenty of room to chat and be losers with each other. But Kylo Ren quickly realized it was not going to work out at all as he expected. Hux was apparently competitive in all things so while Kylo got a lovely view of his rear whenever he went up the ginger was absolutely focused and seemed to waste no time at all to get to his turn. He grinned arrogantly at Kylo Ren as he returned from a strike and there was just enough swagger in his stride to be gloating.

 

  "Ooo big Brendol Hux. Swaggering at his victory over someone who's never bowled in his life before," Kylo sneered slightly.

 

  Hux's eyes widened in slightly surprise, "you've never bowled before?"

 

  "Er... no," Kylo evaded the conversation by slinking up to the lane to bowl for his turn. It was distracting to feel  Hux's eyes on his back, boring into him in a prying way. He had been very careful until now not to talk about his past and the ginger had blissfully not asked, aside from the P.T.S.D. thing. Perhaps it was simply that Hux didn't want to talk about his younger years either? So they had both left the other in the dark over it. However the curisoty in those blue-green hazel eyes was enough to make Kylo uncomfortable. If Hux ever found out his past, he was sure the other man would dump him in a heartbeat. No one wanted to be with a murdererous psychopath. Despite being distracted by his negative line of thinking Kylo managed to hit down all the pins, but it took him all 3 balls to do so and didn't count for anything near what Hux's strike would.

 

  As he stepped aside the ginger was already behind him and choosing a ball. It seemed he was letting the conversation drop because he was busy focusing on getting the best hit to follow up his strike for optimum points. Hux slid his fingers over the selection of balls available as if trying to find the best one. He picked one up, shook his head and put it down before picking up the next one. "Fondle those balls reaaaal good," Kylo was grinning like a lunatic as he said it.

 

  Hux glared daggers at him and rolled his eyes, "seriously? What are you? 12?" Despite the outward reaction there was a glint of exasperated amusement behind the stuffy front and Kylo felt like this was a small and worthwhile reaction. As Hux turned to set up for his epic bowling shot Kylo suddenly had a wonderful idea. His dark eyes glinted mischievously and if the ginger had of glanced back he would have realized immediately that his dark haired and unpredictable boyfriend was about to do something. As soon as Hux took the first steps and wound up for his shot Kylo Ren took advantage of the slippery floors and bowling shoes.

 

  He darted forward and slid into the back of Hux just as he released the ball. The ginger yelped in surprise and the ball slammed into the ground with a bang as it was lobbed instead of smoothly rolled. It spun off awkwardly into the gutter and Hux nearly seizure as uncontrollably laughter erupted from his throat. Kylo's front was pressed against his back and his fingers dug into Hux's rib cage and tickled around. "Kylo! What the hell! Stop!" Hux's laughter was laced with rage as he tried to twist away from the grabbing hands of his partner and his brow creased in a weird mixed frown.

 

  For a few moments the pair looked like Godzilla trying to shake King Kong from his back as Hux howled with laughter and indignant rage. Kylo didn't relent until Hux finally managed to get a good grip upon one of his arms. Then suddenly the world was upside-down and Kylo was on back staring at the ceiling and his red-faced boyfriend confusedly. He had just been flipped over Hux's shoulder onto the ground and the gingers shoed foot was on his chest. Hux stared down at him menacingly, "don't ever... EVER do something like that again!" Hux was genuinely mad. His eyes were sharp and warning and the weight on Kylo's chest got a little more evident. A threat to the warning.

 

  Kylo's heart was pumping in his chest. Normally he would have been angry. If it was anyone else Kylo Ren would have lashed out and attacked back and made a scene but with Hux he just felt amused and kept grinning. Hux was always so perfect, so proper, so calm and collected. When he wasn't it was a pleasure. Kylo Ren had never gotten so much joy out of tormenting another but the emotional reactions of Hux, so rare, were one of his favourite things in the world. "Oooo I like it rough," Kylo barked tauntingly from the ground.

 

  It had the desired effect. Hux's rage melted into exasperation and he huffed in annoyance but let him off the floor. As Kylo sat up he realized a few people were staring uncomfortably at them. He ignored their glances and brushed himself off before accepting a hand offered by Hux to help him up off the floor. "You ruined my strike shot," Hux lamented.

 

   "That was the point... well and because getting a rise out of you is hilarious," Kylo said as he was getting to his feet. Petty, Hux released his hand right before Kylo had regained his balance and he fell down again. "Oyy!" He staggered backwards and fell forward onto his knees.

 

  Hux smirked a little as he looked down at the indignant look he was getting, "what? I just realized how much better you looked down there."

 

  Kylo's cheeks went pink at the words and he hastily got to his feet, "who's the 12 year old now?" He muttered as he tried to hide his embarrassment behind his thick dark hair. When Hux laughed in response though, dark eyes darted up to look into lighter ones. Kylo was fairly sure that was the first honest to goodness laugh he had heard come from the ginger and it spread through him like a warm blanket. His lips quirked into a smile of his own at the sound and the couple went back to bowling. It was best if they stopped fooling around like idiots, or they would be kicked out. The bowling alley staff had been watching them with a close apprehension at the near fight which had almost seemed to break out between the pair.

 

  After their 'fight' Hux and Kylo Ren returned to bowling and perused the remainder of their three paid for games in relative normalcy with much more ease of conversation, which made the dark haired Kylo quite pleased that his date idea had paid off. By the time they were finished bowling Kylo was tipsy, almost bordering on drunk and Hux had switched to water after that first beer which had been forced upon him. Hux had found himself having to defend himself from physical affection more and more as Kylo swallowed beer after beer and making him eat a few fries hadn't seemed to slow the process at all. He was quite relieved when they were finished and on their way out the door to go home.

 

  "You know Hux..." Kylo said as he leaned affectionately against his ginger haired boyfriend. His words were right on the edge of sounding a little funny, not quite a slur but more a drawl. As if he had to enunciate to ensure proper speech, or like he was paranoid he was slurring and overcompensating for that. 

 

  "Hmm?" Hux asked as he rummaged in his pockets for his keys while Kylo wrapped an arm around his shoulders and they stumbled a few paces forward as Hux adjusted to the sudden heaviness of weight.

 

  "I'm glad you decided to be my boyfriend and that Phasma and I, like, tricked you into admitting you liked me."

 

  Hux rose his eyebrows, "tricked me? Both of you?" Suddenly he realized! "You put her up to that???"

 

  Kylo grinned but there was no guilt. Only pride, cleverness and a glint of mischievousness, "maaaaayyybbeee."

 

  Hux shook his head. Somehow he wasn't at all surprised. Phasma had become an ever present force of nature in their lives. She was always popping in and out and keeping Kylo Ren from having nothing better to do then cling to him in their room. He was incredibly grateful to the woman because without her he was sure Kylo would drive him insane (as much as he liked him) the man was more then a handful at the best of times.

 

   "Kylo are you --- " Hux's question was cut off when someone lunged out between cars at them. Hux reacted by shoving Kylo away. He yelped and stumbled, falling to his backside as the ginger tossed his arms up on time to catch a punch in the guarding block. Growing up in a military family certainly had it's perks. Brendol Hux Jr. had spent a lot of his time drilling, training and fighting. He had only not interfered with the cafeteria brawl because he'd been to dumbfounded it had even happened in the first place. This was pure instinct. He ducked the follow up attack which a haymaker punch thrown with all the skill of an enraged baboon. Taking advantage of the opening Hux drove himself forward and rammed his shoulder into the exposed upper ribs and armpit. The attack had the desired attack and the man howled in pain as he tumbled to the pavement.

 

  Kylo Ren was scrambling to his feet when he realized they were faced with more then once person, "HUX BEHIND YOU!" But even as he shouted it he was too late. A kick to the back of the legs crumpled the ginger to his knees and Hux had to catch himself on the bumper. He was already trying to get up again when the next blow came and he stumbled forward. His shins and knees jarred painfully against the front of the vehicle as he was sprawled across the hood. Hux twisted, rolling over onto his back to get a look at his opponent as a fist slammed into the car where he'd been a second before.

 

  "What the fuck?" Kylo Ren exclaimed as he staggered to his feet. He charged the attacker pinning Hux to the car. Or he tried too. A third, forth and fifth person had joined the fray from where they were hidden between cars in the lot and Kylo found himself slammed into before he ever made it. Drunk enough that the world was already a little unsteady he staggered and caught himself on a garbage can and his brown eyes locked with a very familiar face. It was the man from weeks ago in the cafeteria. Kylo Ren had been worried this would happen. He'd been on guard for what felt like ages and just when he'd relaxed and let his guard down it happened. 

 

  "Not so tough are you now, eh? Faggot?" The Dudebro spat. Kylo hadn't learned his name before and still had no idea who this guy was outside of the fact that he was a homophobe with a bone to pick. A homophobe with a bone to pick and a few too many friends.

 

  "Says the guy who brought to 4 people with him to ambush two," Kylo spat and he heard Hux's groan of exasperation.

 

  "Could you NOT taunt them?!" Hux snapped. He was still pinned against the hood of the car but with the arrival of the leader the attack had ceased momentarily as the group closed in with violence glinting in cruel and unintelligent eyes. 

  

  Kylo drew himself off of the garbage can to his full, considerable height. He normally slouched but not in the moment. His eyes were hard and he was angry. The beginning flicker of that cold rage which sometimes plagued him was bubbling up inside his stomach, coiling around his heart and his muscles. These guys were attacking them out of sheer unreasonable hatred. Revenging upon them for something which the biggest of the group had baited and started in the first place. 

 

 Several long seconds of silence seemed to hang over them before everything began again all at once. Seeing his attacker distracted Hux kicked out, landing a hit on the persons knee. The man howled and staggered away. Hux launched off his awkward position onto the man in a flurry of punches intended to keep the man from getting up again but he was barely upon him before a second joined the fray. Hux yelled as fingers wrapped around his hair and he was thrown by it into the nearest car.

 

  Simultaneously Kylo found himself lunged upon. He dodged to the side so the massive Dudebro leader ran right into the garbage can. Primal rage surged through him when he heard Hux's anguished cry. Kylo wrapped his fingers around the back of his attackers head and slammed it forcefully into the garbage can. His eyes flickered to Hux, desperately trying to see if he was okay. He wasn't. Hux found himself pinned against the vehicle he'd been thrown into. One watched while the other slammed him repeatedly into the window with a sickening, cracking thud and a gash streaked open across the red haired mans forehead.

 

  An anguished cry escaped Kylo's lips but the distraction costed him. While Hux had two attackers Kylo had three. One came up behind him and managed to lock him under the arms rendering him unable to lash out with them. Kylo reacted by throwing his head back and was satisfied to hear a crunch and feel the sickening cracking of bones against the back of his head. He wasn't fast enough though and a punch connected with his diaphragm. Kylo Ren choked and crumbled to the group with the man whos' nose he'd just broken, he was gasping desperately for air and a panic rose inside him that only made him wheeze harder. A kicked caught him in the face and he spun to the ground, writhing.

 

  By the time Kylo Ren had regained his ability to breath it was too late. He had three men upon him and he couldn't lift his hands or arms away from his body or else risk being bludgeoned to death but his attackers flailing limbs upon him. He could hear Hux suffering the same fate not so far away and the punishment stopped just long enough for them to be dragged to their feet. Kylo Ren staggered, he had blood getting into his eyes but he wasn't even sure where he was bleeding from he saw Hux was in so much pain the ginger could barely strand straight. They didn't have to stand straight for long as they found themselves slammed, face first, against the chain link fence. Kylo Ren knew the men were talking, taunting them but he couldn't discern the words over the blood pounding in his ears.

 

  Hux screamed as a foot slammed into his lower back. The chain link fence rattled as the ginger collapsed, unable to keep his dignity, unable to keep from crying out as he had tried desperately to do. Kylo Ren struggled furiously against the person who pinned him and managed to twist free. With a battle cry reminiscent of ancient warriors he charged through the goons and leaped upon lead Dudebro. They both fell the ground and Kylo gathered the fabric of his shirt in his fists and began slamming the man's head into the pavement. A horrible dumb, terrified look crossed the massive mans face when he saw the fury and murder in Kylo Ren, who had no intent to stop until he was still.

 

  Belatedly Kylo Ren was tackled by the man and suddenly there was 4 upon him as Hux was left abandoned. Kylo Ren might have been in some serious trouble but the wail of police sirens screamed into sudden existence. Their 5 assailants bolted. They had to help their leader to his feet and he was stagger, barely conscious and probably severely concussed. Over the sounds of the sirens one of the bowling alley employees ran over to them as soon as the thugs had cleared out. "I called the police. They're gonna be here soon. I told them to bring an ambulance too," he said in the most comforting voice he could muster to them...

 


	8. Paranoia

  After the attack in the bowling alley parking lot everything had gone to hell. By the time the police arrived the 5 men who had assaulted them had already gotten away. The ambulance had already taken Hux away because that final kick to the lower back had potentially done some serious damage and he hadn't been able to stand. Kylo Ren had watched in horror as he was pulled onto a stretcher. His pale freckled skin was blotched, bruised, swollen and bloody. He heard the doctors talking about the possibility of a concussion. He had tried to run to Hux, to go with him to the hospital but the policemen and the doctors had told him to stay. Kylo Ren didn't even notice that the media had already arrived. He didn't notice the bright camera flashes or hear the questions being shouted by reporters as the police tried to get rid of them. He was told another ambulance was on the way for him and since Kylo was much more cohesive then Hux, he needed to answer some questions.

 

  One of the paramedics had draped a blanket across his shoulders like they did in movies before they rushed off with Hux and he finally settled down when the ambulance was out of sight. Kylo Ren had done his best to answer their questions which ranged from questions about the attackers appearance to names and if he knew anything about them, to what had happened, if he was okay. He wasn't okay but Kylo Ren was accustomed to not being okay so he'd told them he was fine. He hurt everywhere and he had just been attacked, along with his boyfriend by 5 homosexual hating men... but he was fine.  He just wanted to make sure Hux was okay. He didn't even care about himself. Kylo Ren just wanted to go back to the Dorm, which was his home and curl up somewhere until the whole thing faded away. This was supposed to be a date, their first real date, and this had happened? Kylo Ren hadn't even realized he'd started to weep until the police officers backed off with their questions and the second ambulance arrived. Paramedics scolded the interrogators for harassing their patient before he'd had time to recover and he was loaded into the ambulance too. Everything hurt, not just his outside flesh and bone but his insides too.

 

  Hux had been okay. The bruising to his lower back was severe and he struggled with pain while walking and his concussion could have been a lot worse. The rest had all been broken skin and bruises. He was very lucky. Kylo Ren had ultimately suffered from bruised, nearly cracked ribs and a multitude of contusions and bruises as well. The employee in the bowling alley had responded with such haste that they had escaped any seriously lasting injures. At least physical ones for the two boys had certainly both taken blows to their confidence and to their feeling of safety.

 

\-------------

 

    <You have to come out of your room> Phasma had been desperately trying to get Kylo to go to band practice, or class, or ANYTHING for 3 days.  He hadn't done more than languish in his bed for the last week. He had skipped classes and hardly looked or spoke to Hux. Kylo Ren felt responsible for what had happened. If he had never suggested a date night then they would have never been attacked in the parking lot. He was sure Hux hated him, blamed him for it all. He was glad Hux was too busy catching up on the homework and exams they had missed from their time in the hospital in recovery. The stupid ginger had delved himself completely into his school work which suited Kylo Ren just fine because it let him wallow in his self pity.

 

  <No thx> Kylo responded. He was draped across his bed in the darkness. The curtains of his room had been pulled to block out the happiness of the bright afternoon sun. His only visitor was Millicent who was curled up on his stomach. She came and went through the cracked door, which was open just enough for her. It hurt like hell to have her there because of his rib injuries but Kylo Ren didn't care enough to move her. He deserved to be in pain anyway.

 

<Don't make me drag ur ass out! D=<> Phasma's response was almost instant.

 

  Kylo didn't respond. He let his arm flop over so it was dangling off the bed and the phone thumped to the ground. He didn't even flinch. He heard the phone buzz and the screen glow lit up the room. It was probably Phasma. Time in the dark room seemed to drag on for endless ages, it felt like hours but it was probably only a few minutes when Kylo Ren heard a knock on the door.

 

  "Moment!" Hux's muffled voice called from the living room. Kylo Ren flinched when he heard the soft groaning of the ginger getting up and the shuffling limp as he made it to the door to answer.

 

  "I SWEAR TO LORD," the sound of the door slamming against the wall made Kylo flinch again as Phasma's voice rose up in their room. She must have stormed herself from her half of the dorm immediately to theirs as soon as she'd sent the last message. Her voice shattered the tormented silence which Kylo had been enjoying until now and the peacefulness of Hux working on his homework.

 

  "What is your problem?" Hux's response was incredulous and he shuffled out of her way as she forced her way inside without asking.

 

  "Boys. Boys are my problem. Specifically YOU BOYS ---- I'M ALSO TALKING TO YOU KYLO!" Phasma said. Her heeled feet clicked across the tiled floor as she paced through the kitchen back and forth in her agitation. "You're both useless!"

 

  Hux sounded taken aback, "e-excuse me? I'm very busy with homework you should -- "

 

  "HOMEWORK!? For the love of GOD your BOYFRIEND has been walling in his own fuckin' bullshit self pity in his bedroom for a week. A WEEK, whining to me about how you hate him because you've been ignoring him. AS IF YOU'RE NOT DOING THE SAME FUCKIN' THING KYLO!" Millicent yawned and stretched and Kylo finally had to shove her off of him when she tried to stand directly atop his injures.

 

  "Fuck," he muttered quietly and hissed as he drew himself into a sitting position with considerable pain and effort. The ginger cat mewled softly and then wandered out into the living room to see what all the fuss was about as Kylo uselessly tried to brush the clumps of orange fur off his black Cradle of Filth shirt.

 

  "I'm not ignor -- " Hux tried to defend himself but Phasma was having none of it. He heard an exclamation of shock and pain and then the footsteps approached his  door. Phasma threw it open with as much force as a SWAT team raiding a drug-lab. She had literally dragged Hux by the ear, ignoring the pain of his injuries and she moved him into the room before adopting a spread legged, arms crossed power stance in the doorway so neither of them could escape.

 

  "Don't tell ME you're not ignoring him. Tell your BOYFRIEND you're not ignoring him you useless man! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have a shard of ice instead of a heart? Fucksakes," Phasma flicked on the light impatiently. She didn't even bother to hide that she was rolling her eyes at how absurdly over the top Kylo Ren was being in his self-pity. Hux looked confused.

 

  "It's fine if he hates me now. It's all my fault that this happened," Kylo whined from where he was still sitting on the bed, still trying to de-cat himself. At this point it was just a ploy to avoid eye contact with anyone.

 

  Hux snorted and sounded incredulous, "I don't hate you."

 

  Phasma sighed and shook her head, "and you know what? He would KNOW THAT if you didn't both suck ass at communicating like NORMAL human beings."

 

  "You should hate me... " Phasma marched from her position at the door and whacked Kylo Ren across the cheek for his words. It wasn't quite a slap, but it was certainly a scolding gesture and it still stung. Kylo's brown eyes widened in anger for a second and then he seemed to realize how stupid he had been and he slouched... or tried to slouch until it hurt too much and he had to sit up again.

 

  "Kylo, don't be an idiot. It's not your fault those apes attacked us. I mean, it was your fault the first time in the cafeteria but I think they were going to find an excuse to come after us no matter what. Why would I hate you for that?" Hux was baffled. He had never even considered that he might have to explain something which had seemed obvious.

 

  Kylo shrugged and stared at the corner of the room, refusing to make eye contact with either of them. When he said nothing Phasma spoke up again, "good. Now Kylo you can stop moping in your room and skipping classes. Hux... learn to make your mentally unfit boyfriend go to classes and PAY ATTENTION to when he's being a noodle if that's possible for someone like you, with no fuckin' emotions or whatever the hell is wrong with you."

 

  "Hey!" Kylo and Hux protested at her insults in unison. 

 

  Phasma grinned affectionately at the two idiots. They were both dopey but they were HER dopes and her triumph of her impending victory over their idiocy was evident upon her face. It had brightened from anger to amused exasperation at the couple, "now that, THAT'S settled. Kylo, we're going out." 

 

  "Huh?" Kylo Ren protested as she walked over and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. She tugged insistently to get him off the bed but was much more gentle with him now. She knew the extent of the injuries the boys had suffered as she had been their only hospital visitor. Being the only contact in Kylo's phone other then Hux had it's advantages. The police had called her from Kylo's phone once the boys had been settled to see if she knew anything about the attackers. Phasma had fumed, proclaiming (after the police were gone) that she would dole out violent punishment upon to perpetrators if the boys happened to spot them out. Her ire had been for the both of them as Hux seemed determined to move on without another thought and Kylo was wallowing in depression and self pity over it. It was difficult to say which way was better.

 

  "You need to get outside. BREATH THE AIR, realize life isn't gonna kick your ass again," Phasma insisted as she continued her tugging. Hux had taken their distraction to slink out the door and return to his homework. He was glad to let Phasma do the heavy lifting in cheering his boyfriend up.

 

  "Finnne," Kylo heaved a sigh as if he was doing her some great favour and finally let her pull him off the bed. He winced in pain with the act of rising but once on his feet it wasn't so bad. Phasma clapped her hands happily and then dragged him out of the bedroom.

 

  "Buh-bye Hux. Stealing your boyfriend. Have fun, not having fun!" She called as Kylo put on his shoes and she dragged him out the door.

 

  "So... where are we going?" Kylo asked. 

 

  "To TR8TR's place. He has all the lyrics for all the songs and even if your ribs hurt to much to sing you GOTTA memorize them," Phasma said. After she had seen Kylo singing karaoke the night of the boys first kiss she had been absolutely adamant that he would sing. His deep voice was perfect! 

 

  A tiny smile twitched into appearance and then vanished in amusement at her enthusiasm, "sure." It was redundant to protest and even if he was trying to be mopey Kylo couldn't help but feel a little better as he was dragged down the hallway. TR8TR lived off campus at his parents place which was only a few blocks away from the school. He didn't even go to University with them, or school at all. Kylo had learned they had connected over a local advertisement website along with Finn to make up the original band. 

 

  When they left the school he was glad he had grabbed his jacket. It wasn't freezing but the air was crisp and cool and it was clear the winter season had arrived. All the trees were naked and the grounds were scattered in every shade of brown and faded green imaginable. The wind kicked up that stale dragging noise of dead leaves that sounded like the end of fall. All they needed now was some snow. Kylo Ren shivered against the cold and his brown eyes darted around at every face they crossed with paranoia. 

 

  He jumped when Phasma's hand touched his shoulder over his jacket, "it's okay Kylo. I'm here." Her voice was soft and concerned. For some reason that made him angry.

 

  Kylo Ren jerked his arm away from her touch, "I'm fine!" He snapped a little at her in his peevishness and winced simultaneously as the gesture of wrenching away from her was painful. She sighed in frustration and rolled her eyes but let it drop. It was only a few more blocks to make it to TR8TR's house and when they arrived it was nothing like Kylo had expected. He wasn't sure WHAT exactly he'd thought the house would look like, but this was not it. The house was massive and richly decorated. The sort of house you'd expect a famous person to own with it's massive windows and extravagant curtains. It was surrounded in a black wrought iron fence. Even with all the leaves everywhere the yard was immaculate and as Phasma knocked on the door it thudded dully as her knuckles rapped against the hard oak.

 

  TR8TR must have been waiting for them because Phasma had barely finished when the door swung open. He was standing in his p.j.s which featured a random assortment of weaponry patterned across loose fleece pants and a black wife beater shirt. His light brown hair was an absolute disaster of a birds nest atop his head. Phasma quirked her lips in amusement, "dude. You knew we were coming!"

 

 Inside of the house it was just as lovely as outside. The foyer hallway opened up into a vaulted ceiling and spiral staircase to an upper floor that was ringed the upper level where the doors for the rooms lined the walls. In the middle of the circular open hallway there was a chandelier light.

 

  "So? Come in," he gestured and stood back to hold the door so they could slip inside. A rather unsubtle crotch scratch and massive yawn made Kylo Ren raise his eyebrow.

 

  "You're dragging me out of bed... and this asshole isn't even out of his PJs?" Kylo's tone was amused despite his aggitation.

 

  TR8TR grinned sleepily, "want coffee?"

 

  "Sure," Kylo and Phasma agreed in unison, then they jinxed each other. Kylo claimed his coke prize first though so Phasma cursed.

 

 "What the fuck are you guys? Grade schoolers?" TR8TR laughed at them.

 

  Kylo both liked and didn't like this place. Everything was all white and beige and wood. It looked fancy but also impersonal. Like a house from a magazine and it was so clean and perfect and immaculate it reminded him of the asylum he had spent most of his younger and teenage years. The kitchen was no different. The marble counters were a soft white and grey mixture and everything had been painted white. The colour was broken by the hardwood floors at least. It smelled like coffee and it was obvious that was what TR8TR had been doing before they arrived. The coffee brewer groaned loudly and hissed as the last of the water filtered through the grounds into the pot below. The whole room smelled rich. TR8TR gestured for them to take a seat at the fancy stools tucked underneath the tip of the island counter while he put together coffee for everyone. 

 

  The legs of the stool dragged noisily across the wood as Phasma and Kylo settled themselves down. Kylo immediately began poking through the newspapers which were randomly strewn across the top of the island for something to do. "Why do you have so many? Who the hell collects the paper anymore?" Kylo asked in honest surprise. He hadn't even realized they still printed and delivered news papers. 

 

  TR8TR shrugged, "my Dad. He says: nothing like a good old fashion newspaper in the mornin!" the mocking imitation was obvious despite that neither he or Phasma had ever met his parents. He placed coffees down on the table for them and settled on his own stool. "Once we're done we can go downstairs and I'll print off the lyric sheets for you... and I can burn a CD with all our old songs."

 

  Kylo nodded and then frowned when he saw a headline poking out of the pile that made his eyes narrows. It was on _the_ day. While Phasma and TR8TR talked idly about random personal things (mostly school and work) he pinched his fingers on the small bundle and tugged. **Anti-Gay Violence Grips Streets!** _In a horrifically unprovoked attack two young men who had been attending a date together at the local bowling establishment, Pins Down a young gay couple was beaten into hospitalization._ Kylo read as he pulled the pages closer to himself. His brown eyes flickered to the picture. This had been front page news the day after the incident. It was a photo he didn't even remember being taken. Kylo Ren was caught in a dramatic still, rushing to the stretcher as Hux was being loading into the ambulance. He stared at it for several long moments in a mix of emotions as the memories of the night rushed back to it and flickered behind his minds eye.

 

  Then another, much more horrible thought occurred to him. His picture. His picture was in the news. Kylo Ren's breath caught in his throat as his anxiety skyrocketed. It morphed quickly into fear and paranoia. How had the services which had given him his new name and his new home not stopped this? How had they not called him and told him about this? Kylo Ren went from holding his breath to breathing far too rapidly and shallowly. What if his mother saw? He tried to count in his head how long it had been since her release from prison. She could be anywhere. That thought had always worried him, scared him. But his relocation and new identity...restraining orders, those had all protected him. But now? His picture was in the paper. Kylo Ren's whole body began to shake and he replayed in his mind the scene which had thrown Leia Organa-Solo into prison in the first place. It was when he was 13, a few years after he had shot his own father. Leia had attacked and beaten him almost every day after that; either verbally or physically but this day had been different. 

 

  Kylo Ren remembered the sound of shattering glass as the plate exploded beside his head. It had been the anniversary of his fathers death making Leia more volatile then ever. She had reeked of booze and the rage in her eyes had been that primal and animalistic anger that he sometimes found boiling within himself. A character trait which terrified him in them both. Kylo Ren's fingers came up to grip at his throat as he remembered her lunging at it. His brown eyes were transfixed upon the picture in the paper and his pupils had turned into tiny pinpricks. Her fingers had dug into his flesh, crushing his esophagus until he couldn't even wheeze. The shattered plate had saved him. He had managed to slice her arm and escape while she howled in drunken rage. He'd managed to hide in a dumbwaiter until the police arrived. One of their neighbors had called. Kylo Ren had been taken away to the Asylum house then and Leia had been brought to court and eventually sentenced to attempted murder of her own son. She'd gotten out early on good behaviour but Kylo Ren wasn't convinced. When she wasn't too drunk to speak she was intelligent and clever. As he considered the possibilities his body began to shake and he broke out in a cold sweat. 

 

  "KYLO WHAT THE FUCK!" Phasma's voice finally snapped him out of his stupor and he stared at her with wide eyes. Suddenly he was very aware that she and TR8TR were both staring at him with concern in his eyes. He was very aware that his neck hurt, that his head felt light and fuzzy. He'd been choking himself as he recalled the horrific past of his childhood. His fingers felt stiff when his hands fell away from his throat.

 

  "I need to go home," Kylo said flatly. His eyes went back to the news article and he seemed much more pale then usual. The shadows under his eyes had deepened in mere minutes.

 

  "Kylo are you --- shit!" Phasma realized the paper on the table when she followed his gaze. Completely misinterpreting his distress she snatched it away and shoved it into the nearest garbage. "Kylo it's okay. It's not gon --"

 

 "No!" His eyes flashed as Phasma tried to comfort him and became sharp as daggers. His body still shook and his erratic mood was evidence of his extreme distress. "No! I need to go home. Right. Now. Right now!" He slid off the stool and marched away from them while they sat there looking confused and dumbfounded.

 

  Kylo got the door and started to open it but stopped. No. No, he couldn't go alone. He couldn't go out there alone. What if she had already found him? What if she had seen it? Kylo Ren counted the days in his head from the articles release. 6 days was more then enough time to be here, to have found him. He couldn't go home. He fumbled for his phone in his pocket as Phasma came down the hallway, "Kylo. Kylo okay! I'll walk you home. Just, calm down." 

 

  "O-okay," Kylo shoved his phone into his pocket and ignored the pain in his injuries as he shoved the door open and almost raced out of it. Phasma had to jog to keep up. She yelled something backwards at TR8TR but he wasn't listening. He had to get home.

 


	9. Lovers Quarrel

It was only a few blocks between Lucas University's student residences and TR8TR's mansion of a house and Kylo Ren had sworn the walk there was quick. But the jog back felt like it was taking ages. His ribs hurt as his damaged bones and bruised chest protested the jolting weight of his body every time his foot hit the ground. The sky had been gray before and it let down now. It started to spit at first but it built up into thick, fat droplets that smacked with an audible noise onto the ground and into his hair and it was only a few minutes before both him and Phasma were soaked.

"Kylo are ---?"

"No," Kylo said as Phasma tried to talk to him again. She was watching him with concern more then she was watching where they were going. It was a miracle she hadn't run into anything or tripped. Her expression was lost and hurt and for the first time ever she didn't know how to deal with the situation. For once it wasn't something she could manhandle into place.

"But Kylo you know you can tell -- "

"No! I can't! I can't tell you!" He stopped just long enough to yell at her. There was desperation and terror and panic in his eyes. "I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone. So just fucking drop it. You don't understand. You won't understand...you...you..." Kylo shook his head and then turned and this time he was fully running and he left Phasma behind him in the middle of the sidewalk, too distressed to worry that she wasn't following him. Too desperate to go home. To get to his room, to get somewhere safe. Somewhere familiar.

His feet splashed through puddles as he ran and Kylo almost got hit by a car, the horn wailed and the person howled through the window, but Kylo ignored them and wasn't looking anywhere except for forward, towards his destination. When he got into the lobby he was fumbling through his pockets for his keys desperately and he used his entry card to pass into the boys dorm. Kylo Ren hesitated at the elevator for a split second before shaking his head and running up the stairs instead. He couldn't stand the idea of potentially getting stuck inside there with someone and no one ever took the stairs so he could avoid attention there. When he burst onto his own floor the feeling of impending safety drove him to his room with equal haste, even as his lungs heaved and his body shook and hurt. He was in such a rush to get inside he actually ran into the door instead of opening it properly.

Remembering his keys were in his hand Kylo Ren reached up to unlock the door but it opened before he could as if Hux had been waiting for him. He knew in that moment that Phasma must have texted him or called ahead and warned him.

"Kylo what happened Phasma --- " Hux was cut off when Kylo Ren literally threw himself into the apartment, into his arms. The ginger haired young man yelled in surprise and then in pain as he tumbled to the ground, jolting his injured back. "What the fu---are you crying?"

Kylo Ren's body shook as he buried himself into the spot between neck and shoulder, curled up against Hux where they had fallen and let himself go. He nodded into Hux's shoulder. He was embarrassed to have had a flashback around Phasma and TR8TR whom had thought he was just a normal person until then. He was terrified that his mother might find him. He was guilty that they had been attacked and felt like it was all his fault that all this happened in the first place and he couldn't just stare numbly in the silence at the ceiling anymore. "She's gonna get me," he croaked into Hux's shirt.

"What? Kylo you're soaked. I'm soaked. Please get up --- what's happening?" Hux was confused by this absurdly over the top dramatics. Phasma had told him in the text message that he had been triggered by the news article but this seemed a bit much of a reaction over the attack. Hadn't they JUST gotten over and past that before Phasma had dragged Kylo away? Hux wracked his brain as he tried to figure out what he was missing and reflected on the journals which he had snooped through quite some time ago.

He shook his head, "the news article. I'm in it. She's gonna find me." It was more then Kylo knew he should say. His grip tightened when he felt the ginger start shifting, trying to extract himself and trying to get Kylo Ren to let him go and Hux grunted in pain and ceased struggling. His dark haired partner was in hysterics and Hux was losing patience. His back was screaming, Kylo's crying was ridiculous and this whole scenario was absurd!

"For fucks sake Kylo!" He grabbed onto his boyfriends shoulders and tried to peel him out of his shoulder. He may as well have been fighting with a wet noodle or a tantruming child, "you're safe. It was a local paper. Your mother can't find you here!" As soon as the words left his mouth Hux realized he had simultaneously found the missing piece of information and also made the biggest mistake he could recall having ever made. 

Kylo froze in his arms for a second and the sobbing stopped. Frighteningly slowly he sat back on his knees and stared at Hux, "I didn't tell you who I was scared of." His tone was flat.

"Yes you did," Hux lied in his panic. He could see that dangerous, temperamental anger lurking in those brown eyes. Remembered the forcefulness with which Kylo had come upon him the last time he'd seen that look. It was both exciting and terrifying and it sent a painful thrill up his injured back.

"I didn't," Kylo said it with such sureness that it became quickly apparent he could not be convinced otherwise. "How...how did you know?" He started creeping forward on all fours and slowly rising from the ground in a way that was both menacing and somehow also ridiculously attractive. The way his this dark hair was matted and wild, the rain had turned it into a mess of untamed ringlets and the predatory way Kylo moved reminded Hux that his boyfriend went to the on premise school gym 5 days a week.

The accusatory look in those brown eyes and the sharpness of the tone made Hux flinch. He slowly dragged himself backwards. Extracting himself away from Kylo and slowly getting to his feet, putting distance between them as quickly as possible as he was crept upon. "Fuck," Hux muttered. The only way out of this was POSSIBLY the truth. "Kylo -- I... I'm sorry okay, but I -- "

"What. Did. You. Do?" Kylo Ren's voice was a deep, low growl and his fingers curled into the front of his shirt. Hux's back came against the wall between their bedroom doors. He had been stalked through the small kitchen, across the living room and he had no where else to go now. An inappropriate warmth had coiled in his stomach along with his concern for his personal safety.

"I read your journals," Hux spouted.

"You what!? What the fuck Hux!? I --- You piece of shit! You woulda had to actually SEARCHED for those. You would have -- when!?" Kylo was outraged but at least he hadn't hit him yet. Both hands were still firmly balled up in Hux's shirt still. He did shake him a bit, but that wasn't so bad.

"I'm sorry!" Hux held his hands up in surrender as he tried to placate his chaotic boyfriend. "I.. When you had that attack before I had to find out why. I was ... I was worried!" That wasn't quite the truth. He had been worried but more vexed and concerned for the well being of his things getting broken.

"You had no right!" Kylo let him go and paced back and forth like an angry cat.

"Wait. Wait. I'm sorry!? I had no right?" Hux stabbed his own chest with his index and middle finger and his hazel-green eyes narrowed on Kylo Ren. His sudden rage shocked Kylo enough that he stopped pacing and watched with widened eyes as the ginger continued. Hux laughed madly, "I had EVERY right to know. I live with you! I'm you're fucking boyfriend! You're violent, chaotic, unpredictable, petulant... and you DIDN'T THINK I'd want to know why? Or what the hell that bullshit P.T.S.D. attack was all about!"

Kylo Ren flinched with every word and he was deflating quickly, shrinking into himself as Hux tore him apart. He had been right all along! Hux DID hate him! All of this had been some meaningless ploy to get Kylo off his back. He was shaking with the revelation and the after affects of his fit. He wondered how much of it Hux knew. How far had he read? Maybe Hux had just been scared this whole time? He was living with a murderer after all!

A frustrated noise escaped the gingers lips at the pathetic look on his boyfriend stupid, sexy, big nosed, long face. When Kylo didn't say anything he took the cue to continue. In exasperation he threw his hands out, "and for some stupid fucking reason I care about your half-retarded ass!"

"Huh?" Kylo Ren looked up from the floor at Hux with confusion.

"So be mad if you want!" Hux continued in his tyrant. "I don't care if you're mad! I don't care if you killed your father or if you're mother is a lunatic. I don't care if you're a mental case."

"What. So... you do like me?"

Hux stared at Kylo Ren like he'd grown an extra head, "correction. Correction you're FULLY retarded. Am I speaking another language? I'm pretty sure that's been CRYSTAL CL --" His thought was cut off and he grunted instead when Kylo Ren took the few steps that separated them and locked their lips together in a kiss that was fiercely passionate and shoved Hux rather roughly against the wall. The jolt of pain through his tailbone made him whimper slightly and his legs shivered, threatening to give out but Kylo caught him. Hux let his arms drape across Kylo's shoulders to help hold himself up as he recovered and the kiss broke with them both panting for breath.

"Sorry," Kylo panted as he buried his head in Hux's neck and began to plant apologetic kisses there for being overly aggressive.

"Don't be," Hux tilted his headback to give Kylo better access. The kisses turned to needy biting nips when a shiver of cold raced through him and he realized... "Kylo.... you're soaked." He was too by now.

"I ran home in the rain..." Kylo reminded him.

"Well you have to get out of that cloths before you get sick," Hux felt his face burning as he made the suggestion. Kylo's fingers were lazily creeping up underneath his shirt and blunt nails were running along his skin.

"Oh ya?" Kylo Ren's voice was a growling purr as he straightened his back. It urked Hux to be suddenly reminded that his boyfriend was taller them him (even if it was just a few inches) but the annoyance died as quickly as it appeared. Trying to be as sexy as possible he took it off slowly, but that backfired when he got stuck for several seconds in the wet fabric and Hux had to help him. They degraded into manic giggling as they stumbled awkwardly out of their clothing, moaning the pain of their wounds but needing each other more then their pain bothered them.

\-----

"By the way, I'm still mad at you," Kylo said as he twirled his fingers lazily through the wet strands of short orange hair. They had taken a shower together after finishing with each other. Hux was laying in the bed half on top of him. It hurt his ribs which ached from their physical excursions but he liked the closeness and the warmth too much to tell him to move.

"What?" Hux mumbled in confusion and sounded half asleep.

Kylo chuckled, "the journal thing. You shouldn't have done that..." He was still to high on the idea that Hux didn't care he'd killed his father or spent half of his life in asylum to be really truly angry, but it did bother him. His brown eyes were focused on the top of the ginger mop of hair as he spoke. He liked the way Hux's hair was when he hadn't trained it into position. When it was wild and unkempt it made Hux look younger and a little more human and less like a perfectly manicured mannequin or something.

Hux shrugged, "you should have just told me then."

Kylo Ren sighed a big and impatient sigh. "I would have... eventually...."

"Whatever you say..." Hux mumbled and buried his face further into Kylo's armpit in an attempt to end the conversation as he tried to drift off to sleep.

"I would have! I would have!" Kylo insisted petulantly. Hux didn't answer and they drifted off to sleep together despite the early hour and insistent and concerned buzzing of Phasma messaging both of their phones to make sure everything was okay.


End file.
